"To act without clear understanding, to form habits without investigation, to follow a path all one's life without knowing where it really leads, such is the behavior of the multitude" - Mencius circa 300 B.C.
Confessions Of A Former Word of Faith Minion:
[A.K.A. My Testimony]
As I look at this verdant scene: the narrow path that disappears from view, that is surrounded by life, I am reminded of the words of our Lord, "But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Many years ago, I thought I was on this narrow path leading toward life, but I was so very wrong. I was deceived, blind, and headed for a ditch without even know it, along with multitudes of others like me. Thankfully, Jesus (my prince), in his loving-kindness and tender mercy, did something amazing to break the evil spell I was under for most of my life. He cured me of my spiritual blindness; he lifted me out of the path where the mindless multitudes rule; he saved me from falling over that looming edge of doom, where I would have been lost forever. As you continue reading, all I ask is for the opportunity to completely share with you what I have learned by experience, and that is that God is never wrong, and he is a good God, just like the Bible says.
An IllustrationI will here, and through out this site, use movies and other forms of media to either illustrate, or make a point, only because for most of us, they are common ground, or a familiar point of reference. And this is such a time - - does anyone remember that scene in 'Crocodile Dundee 2' where Wally was being held hostage by the Colombian drug dealers?The narcotic dealing desperadoes where threatening to shoot Wally, if Mick didn't give himself and Sue up to them - remember? Mick was visibly in a quandary. He was thinking hard and fast about his limited options. In this intense moment, you could see his mind racing by the motion of his clear blue eyes. Then suddenly, his steely baby blues halted, and he set his square leathery jaw, he had made a decision. "Go ahead and shoot the @#st;*!", he shouted down from his rocky perch.
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Everyone was shocked, especially Wally. Then, while everyone at the scene was reeling from the surprise of Mick's unexpected command, in one fluid motion, he quickly took aim and fired his rifle, hitting Wally in the head! Sue was indignant and shocked, as Mick dragged her to another vantage point, she breathlessly exclaimed in disbelief, "You shot Walter!" Mick replied, "I only nicked him, it was the only thing I could think of to save him." The bluff worked, the lead drug thug took it as a ruthless move of self-preservation on Mick's part, when in reality, that was not the case at all. Why do I mention this scene, what is the point I wish to make? It is my desire to illustrate a very important Biblical truth: Jesus, the very one who loves us, will cause us physical harm as a means of saving us! |
The Early Years
I grew up in church most of my life. My earliest memories of church were of that of splashing my little fingers in the holy water cup at the entrance of a dimly lit church, and swinging my green stocking covered legs and shiny red shoe clad feet back and forth while sitting upon a hard wooden pew. Another flicker of memory is that of listening to an angry man dressed in a long dark robe shouting at us - and I remember thinking that I didn't like that very much. As a young girl I observed our family sitting at the dining table and I remember thinking one night, as we mindlessly made the sign of the cross after grace - "Why do we do this? We all look and act like robots!" As I recall, I even asked my mom why we did this, but I honestly don't remember her answer, but I do know she always had an answer to my questions. Through the years we went to many different churches, some better than others I suppose. I can't even tell you with much certainty when I accepted Jesus as my savior, perhaps in a Sunday school class. According to my mom, who was raised a Catholic, she was finally saved after much soul searching and spiritual experimentation, more specifically, when my sister Lauri was a baby, in the early 70's. Within the corners of my mind, I can recall fragmented memories of listening to the likes of Herbert W. Armstrong, and James Dobson on the radio. I clearly remember watching the 700 Club, Oral Roberts and the Humbards on T.V. Elizabeth Humbard was our family's favorite, she was so sweet and angelic. My mom listened to gospel song birds like Evie Tornquist and Cynthia Clawson. Elvis' Gospel record was a favorite of hers and was also played repeatedly! All of this religious exposure gave me a knowledge of God, that there was one, but looking back, I can honestly say I never really knew Him, even though I thought I did. I had my own Bible, but hardly every cracked it open, as far as I was concerned, it was just an accessory, something you took to church. My mom had a volume set of the Seventh Day Adventist picture Bible stories, and I still vividly remember the beautiful art work in them. She would read them to us, as well as many other books. But that was the extent of my Bible reading, or studying. Our family had its share of dysfunctional problems, but nothing major like alcoholism, drugs, neglect, or Satanic ritual sex abuse. Even so, one day after many years of underlying family turmoil, my father called most of us, the six Rivas children, into our parent's bedroom. We had been moved yet again, because my father, who was always chasing the proverbial "gold under the rainbow", had us in Austin Texas this time. He told us that he and mom were finally getting a divorce, he was finished, we was leaving us. I looked at mom in disbelief, she was quiet, she wasn't crying, but she was visibly upset. The after math is all mixed up in my mind, just jumbled images really, but I remember going to the room I shared with my sisters, and sat on my mattress on the floor, and cried out to God in great emotional pain. I cried out to the God who I thought I knew, and I questioned why and how He could let all this happen to us, to me. Didn't He care? I just didn't see this coming, I thought my parents would never divorce. When My mom came into our room that awful night, she assured us that he would be back like all the other times he had left us - I was dumbfounded. He had left us before? She explained that all the times we thought he was away on a business trip, he was actually running away from home. Then she told me things I wish she had never told me, about their marriage - I now understand why she did it. She didn't really have anyone else to talk to, no real friends to turn to, and I can only suppose she felt her family wouldn't have been very understanding, or she didn't want to burden them with her problems. She was stuck, but even so, it was a lot for a girl of sixteen to handle. Mom explained that after a few days he would come back, and
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she was right, he eventually did come back. I guess I lost a lot of respect for him at that time. Whatever he thought that stunt would gain him, I didn't know. But the seeds of another kind of distrust were sown, and maybe even the idea to distrust all men in general had taken root in my young heart. I think that is when I started to see what was really going on in our family. Things I didn't allow myself to acknowledge, things I already knew deep inside, things like realizing that my parents didn't really love each other, were finally becoming evident. And from a girl's perspective, that is truly heart breaking. After that, we eventually moved to Dallas Texas, and ended up at Robert Tilton's mega church. Things seemed to be getting better at home on the surface, for a while anyway, because our dad was born again - again. That is when I really threw myself into my faith, going to church, and reading my Bible. Looking back, I realize that was probably the best scholastic year of my life, I was nearly a straight "A" student. In Texas schools at that time, they had a policy where there was no passing with a 'D', you either passed with 'C', or you failed, because as every Texan knows: you don't mess with Texas! Here I was, the new girl yet again, and after many months, I still didn't really have any friends. Finally, I gained a wonderful Christian friend half-way through my Sophomore year, named Geniffer Martin, and she was the answer to my prayers! Proof positive that God really is the Good Shepherd of His lost little sheep. Then heartbreak yet again, we were moving in the middle of my Junior year to California. My siblings and I were going to be the new kids on the block yet again! My family and I had come full circle in a way. Most of us had been born in California, only my mom was born in South Dakota. Here we were back in the Golden State. I must confess, I don't like to travel much. I much prefer the stability of being a home body. My mom always did a wonderful job in trying to make our moves an adventure. She would pull out her road atlas and show us where we would be going, and then go to the library and bring home books about our next locale. This made the move a little more bearable, for me anyway, I can't say as much for my siblings. So we left the Lone Star state and headed for California. I hated my new school, it was a hovel compared to the one I had left in Texas. My grades tanked a bit, and I earned two D's for the first time ever in my scholastic career, one in Algebra 2 and the other in U.S. Government. I finally realized I wasn't going to be gracing the halls of any college anytime soon, and the big question of what was I going to do with my life, began to loom large. I baby sat most of my teen years to earn money for school clothes, but I had no real plans for my future whatsoever. I was very gifted in art, and I had thought about going to art school, but the tuition was astronomical and the really good schools at the time, and to my knowledge, were in N.Y. city, Chicago, or Paris. Remember, I don't like traveling, so this did not appeal to me, no matter how adventurous it may have been. Then there is of course the ol' stigmas known as: the starving artist, and the tortured artist - neither of which sounded very attractive to me either. As for church life while in California, we started going to a small Four-Square denomination church. I had no way of knowing just how important a role that little church would play in my life. But looking back, it is amazing to me how God steered me along. I never really liked most church youth groups I had attended, because they were cliquish and full of phony baloney people. This youth group seemed to be more real than most, for a while anyway. I don't really remember for sure when, or at what point my mom and I started down the seemingly straight Word of Faith path; becoming staunch adherents to it's radical teachings of health and wealth on demand for all "believers." Word of Faith goes by many euphemisms such as: "Name it and claim it", "Say it and spray it", or "Blab it and grab it", etc. |
Was I Ever Really Saved?
If asked, I would tell you I was a Christian, that is to say I knew that Jesus died for my sins, which were many, even though I was a really "good girl" by worldly standards. I would tell you that living a Christian life was essential in order to get to heaven. I never believed in the false teaching of Once Saved Always Saved, or anything like that, but if pressed, I would not be able to tell you what roles redemption, repentance, justification and sanctification played in over all salvation. I do believe that I had been saved as a child, but I never grew up in the knowledge of the Lord. So, I eventually lost my salvation when I began to follow a false Christ. Sure, I read the Bible and took it as God's final word, but I was weak in studying it as a good exegete. Instead, I was prone to rely on the private Scriptural interpretations of others, and that made me a gullible sheep, and easy prey for hungry wolves. Yes, until recently, I was easily lead astray and tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine bellowed by anyone who claimed to be "anointed ", and "sent from God." I do believe that it was at that little four square church where my mom met regularly with a lady who also went there, for prayer and Bible study. I think that she was the one who really sold my mom on Kenneth Copeland's teachings, who then influenced me, but I could be wrong. It was also at this church that I met a man who hired me to work for him in his wallpapering business. It was hard work, but I was learning a trade, and that is a valuable asset! Meanwhile at school, my art teacher steered me toward going to a local design school, as an interior design major, during the end of my Senior year. Things were looking up for me, but I still had financial difficulties to overcome, because design school was going to be very expensive, and I didn't make a lot of money hanging wallpaper. The loans were stacking up, and I realized I couldn't afford my last year of the two year design degree.
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Then my father was asked to move to San Diego to open a new store for the company he worked for. My father worked in the hardware/paint business. He was then employed by a well known box store chain, the store he was working in at the time was located in La Mirada. I didn't want to move again! So he had me apply at a new store that was opening in Orange, because this chain was hiring interior designers in an effort to renovate their D.I.Y image and draw in more women customers. Please keep in mind that this was before HGTV hit the air waves. The interview didn't go very well after they realized whose daughter I was. Since my dad had jilted that store for the better position in San Diego, they didn't hire me. I was apparently the victim of some "work place politics." Through this seeming defeat, little did I know how God was going to change my life. My dad got me another interview with his then assistant manager at the La Mirada store. And fortunately for me, the interview went well and I got the job. The assistant manager assured me that I didn't get the job because of my father, but I didn't care either way. I was just glad I wouldn't have to move again, well other than having to move to my new residence in Whittier. Yes, by the grace of God, I found a place to live, with a family that attended that same little Four Square church my family had attended a few years before, which made my mom feel a lot better about leaving one of her babies behind. The wife of the family I was going to live with was like an older sister to me. Incidentally, my family and I now live just around the corner from their home, truly it is a small world! So, for the first time in my life, I was going to be on my own, without my family anyway, and I was finally feeling all grown up! |
Out On My OwnNow that I was out on my own, I tried to go to church by myself. I kept attending the larger Four Square church where our family attended before they moved. The church was pastored (and still is) by the brother of a former co-worker and good friend of mine. It was fine for a while, but I would have done much better if I had kept to the main Church service, rather than attend the young adult group, which I found yet again to be cliquish and phoney. And since retail demands you work most weekends, getting to Church was beginning to be a chore. So I stopped going all together. This happens a lot as I understand it.
"Robert Zubiate"- I had heard his name paged several times over the paging system during the first 3 months I had been at my job. But then one fine day, I finally laid eyes on him! He was walking down the main aisle with a couple of other guys coming back from lunch, and he was an amazing sight to behold! Sorry dear reader, that memory will not be shared with you in its entirety, because it is all mine. Anyway, I asked one of the guys near me in the paint department, "Who is that?" And he said, "Oh, that's Robert Zubaite, but he's a real player." That didn't bother me, after going out with and dumping |
several mediocre guys,and one potential woman beater, I was okay with dating someone who wouldn't be the jealous type. As it turned out, Robert was nowhere near a "player." Our first date was great. He arrived at the door hidden behind a bunch of pink roses, my favorite flower! All my other dates usually started with a single red rose, but instead of thinking, "how womanitc", when the cliche flower was presented, I would think: "How ordinawy." While we talked at diner, we hit it off and I discovered we had similar childhoods, minus most of the religious aspects, as he was raised a Catholic from birth, but wasn't a practicing Catholic. As a Born Again Christian (or so I thought) I already knew this would be a problem, but I decided I would cross that religious bridge later. I have to tell you dear reader, if you are single, please don't participate in what is known as evangelistic dating. If the man you are interested in is not already a Christian, then don't get involved with him until he becomes one, or go find a man that already shares your faith. You risk a great deal of heart break, heart break that could have been avoided by simply following this wise Biblical council. |
First Comes Love...
Sorry to say, I can't tell you for sure exactly when I fell in love with Robert. I mean, when I really began to love him for who he was. I was for sure physically attracted to him. All I know is that at some point I did fall in love with him, and I love him now, even more than ever. For him, it was different. I later learned that on his part, it was love at first sight. He even went home that day and told his sister that he saw the woman he was going to marry. I know - so romantic right? Even though Robert wasn't a born-again Christian when we met and started dating, fortunately for me, I experienced the rare exception, Robert was very willing to become a born- again Christian. The truly sad thing is that I lead him to Christ one night while lying in our bed of sin! The hypocrisy of it all, and the thought of it makes me cringe to this day, but it is the honest truth. A word of warning from yours truly, who has "been there, done that", to would be fornicators: don't think for one minute that you will get away
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with the sin of presumption! What's that you say? You have never heard of the sin of presumption? Well, you're not alone dear reader, so please allow me to explain. The sin of presumption says: "I know it's wrong to have sex before marriage, but God is so forgiving. He'll forgive me for this sin when I ask him to and besides, I know we will get married anyway." It is amazing how we can justify our sins isn't it? Even though God is merciful and forgiving toward the repentant sinner, and more so to the honest sinner, he may not be so easily forgiving toward the presumptuous sinner, and hypocrite, meaning you may have to suffer some consequences as a result, right King David? I know I did, so don't push it! And not because God can't wait to punish you for your sin, and not because he takes pleasure in punishing you, but because suffering hurts, and it is most likely the only thing that it will take to bring your deceived fleecy little hide running back to him. |
Tragedy Strikes
One night, about 21 years ago, [wow, has it been that long?!] Robert and I got home late from work and started to get something to eat when the phone rang. Very unusual for us, so when I picked up the receiver, I was expecting something important, but not to the impending degree about to unfold. "Start praying!" my mom breathlessly panted in my ear, then she quickly continued with, "Tim has stopped breathing, we are taking him to the hospital!" Panic set in. Tim was the second son, third in line of the Rivas children, I say "was" because he is now in heaven. Yes dear reader, the unthinkable had suddenly come upon us. How did this happen? One minute I was at home with my man, about to have a snack after a long hard day, then WHAMO! -- the next thing I knew I spent a long agonizing ride to the hospital. I was praying; no, it was more like commanding and demanding that Tim be alright. Once we got there I no more than sat down when my sobbing baby brother came through a door and choked, "He's gone!" I screamed, "No!" and bolted passed him through the door. There he was, my brother, lying blue and lifeless on a gurney with tubes sticking out of him, with my mother standing next to him crying, and ringing her hands, looking like a lost child. In an instant I decide that I never ever wanted to see that sight ever again. It is just not right. That is not what is supposed to happen. Everyone knows that parents are supposed to die before their children, right? If only that were always the case, dear reader. I will not go into every detail of what happened on that horrific night and the aftermath that followed, it is
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still amazingly hard for me to recount, even now tears are streaming down my cheeks as I type this. But what I will share is this. When a tragedy like this occurs, it usually does one of two things. It either brings a family closer together or it tears it apart. After that horrific event, I started to suffer from torturous dreams, dreams that left me sobbing in the middle of the night. Nagging questions of Tim's spiritual state before he died were haunting me. Then my sister Lauri, Tim's "twin" was given a blessed mercy, a wonderful dream. Allow me to interject something here really quickly. We Rivas children are sort of pared off. We each have a twin of sorts. My older brother and I are tall, with dark eyes, and hair and have light skin. Tim and Lauri are of medium build, light hair and skin with hazel eyes. Teresa and Eric are tall, have dark, eyes, hair and skin. Anyway, Lauri shared with me that she was allowed to spend some time with Tim, her "twin." She couldn't say for sure where they were, she just assumed it was in heaven. She didn't go into details, and he didn't have any special "revelations' for her from God's throne, they just hung out and she assured me that he was alright. After that, all my horrific nightmares ceased. I clung to the hope of that dream, and I still do. I realize that once a person dies, we aren't allowed to communicate with them, but my sister didn't seek a medium, or even ask for this dream, it came to her unsolicited. She hasn't written a best selling book about her dream, so all of this makes me believe that God, in his mercy, gave her and us peace of mind. |
...Second Comes Marriage...
After nearly two years of living as engaged fornicators, Robert really started to push hard to make an honest woman of me. So I finally relented, and we were married on August 14, 1993. That sounds so romantic doesn't it? It's true nevertheless. I [a woman] was actually dragging my feet to the alter of matrimony. Marriage - a major life event most females dream of, and plan for from birth, was something I was not in a hurry to experience. Some may say it was because of my age. We were both 22 years old, but at the time, I didn't think we were too young, but looking at pictures, my goodness, we looked like children! If you desire to see what I mean, I have pictures on the blog archives for August 2012. Honestly, I don't think the age thing was the reason at all. So why was I procrastinating about marrying this wonderful man? I don't really know why I avoided setting a date...maybe it was because the only marriage I knew personally, that of my parents, wasn't the greatest model and ended in divorce when I was 20. I'm sure there were several factors involved, but the final straw I guess, was my mother's lack of heart felt fidelity to her marriage. In retrospect, I could have been subconsciously trying to avoid getting married, because of the pain suffered as a young girl of sixteen, when all my ideas about marriage and fidelity were challenged. I'm sure those seeds of distrust planted by my father leaving us when things got rough were a major factor as well. All I know for sure is that Robert gave me an ultimatum - either I had to set a date and plan our wedding, or he would. So out of the fear that Robert would plan our nuptials as a back yard BBQ ceremony, I was motivated and I got busy planning. Not surprisingly, everything did not happen according to plan, but we had a wonderful wedding anyway, and there was so much love there, it was a real joy. Ironically, after all my efforts to avoid that day, once in the moment, I didn't want that glorious night to end, but of course, like in most fairly tales, the time flew by! Then it was off to our honeymoon - a seven day Mexican Riviera cruise,
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thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law. For those of us who have been married for more than seven years, we know that married life is very difficult! The fairy tale ending of: "And they lived happily ever after" is so much easier said than done. But marriage is also very rewarding, provided that both parties are indeed selflessly working together and are committed to each other and their vows, made before a host of witnesses and God Almighty. We matrimonial veterans know that when the honeymoon is over, that is when the real work of cooperation begins. By the way, I loath the word "compromise" and it really should have no place in the unwritten marriage handbook. On a side note, I remember asking Robert if he liked me, right after he first proclaimed his love for me. Rather puzzled by my question, he restated that he loved me. I said I knew he loved me, but the "love" feeling comes and goes. I explained that if he liked me, then at least he would be more inclined to stick around until that "love" feeling returned. What I meant was, did he consider me to be a friend as well as a lover? Friendships usually start based on a shared or common interest, by people who find each other enjoyable to be around. There is definitely an emotional chemistry that takes place, where some people just seem to "click", where as others don't. This is a fascinating mystery to me. It seems to me that the best marriages are experienced by those who are very good friends as well as being lovers. Yet, strangely enough, some couples are better friends than lovers and viceaversa- go figure. I guess that proves there is always an exception to a every seemingly hard and fast rule. The first year was hard even though we had lived together in fornication for nearly two years. So in my humble opinion, that whole "shack up before you wed to see if you are compatible" business is a bunch of bunk. My advise for young people, through hard won experience, is to wait until you are married before you live together and share a bed. Truly, I most solemnly tell you, God knows what he is talking about when he says do not fornicate. |
...Third Comes Baby In The Baby Carriage
After two years of marriage, we had our first child, our son Timothy. I was going to name him Andrew with the middle name of Timothy, in honor of my brother. Robert suggested that we name him Timothy Andrew, but I thought I couldn't handle it, so I hesitated. But when I realized that if I went with Robert's suggestion, then his initials would be "T.A.Z." instead of "A.T.Z.", that is when I relented. So sad but true. Anyway, he was so beautiful, and he was all ours! The truth is that I was terrified of being a mom, the question of "would I be good enough?" haunted me. Sure, I had a wonderful mother, but that didn't mean I would be one, I knew that.
Things were going fine, Timothy was a dream baby; he was well behaved, not colicky, and I could tell he was going to be a thinker. As he sat in his little bouncy, he had a habit of furrowing his little brow and I could swear he would tuck his little hand under his cute little double chin. I could almost see his big dark eyes pondering something. Now he has grown into a wonderful and intelligent young man - all bias aside - and I am truly happy we named him Timothy. He was such a wonderful baby, that we decided to try it again! But my next pregnancy wasn't going so well, in fact it was terrible. I continued in my "name it and claim it faith", but then the unthinkable happened. I had been at work that day, and was in a great mood, because I was looking forward to Robert and |
I seeing our good friends for dinner that night. Then I started getting cramps. I was a little alarmed considering I had not felt "right" for the last few weeks. But I consoled myself with the knowledge that many pregnant women had experienced cramps, but carried their children to full term. Later on I started bleeding a little, now this was a bit more worrisome. I called my doctor and he recommended immediate bed rest, and if the bleeding didn't stop after an hour, then I was to come in. As I laid on our bed, I could feel the fear creeping up on me, but I quickly relied on my Word of Faith training: rebuking and binding, naming and claiming, using the authority I had assumed I had in Jesus. Even so, I ended up in the hospital that night instead of at our friend's home. An ultra sound revealed that I had lost the baby, even after all my positive confessions and faith filled words. Robert and I were devastated. I really believed it was all my fault, even though my doctor explained to me I didn't physically do anything wrong, my body just couldn't, or wouldn't support the child. Even so, I was convinced I lost our baby because my faith was weak. Yet another golden opportunity for me to search for the truth had slipped by. On to the next few years where I was lovingly placed in God's crucible for more refining. |
Our Precious KyleOur precious Kyle was born to us two years after the miscarriage. This time the pregnancy went well, that is until I noticed I was getting cramps again. But this time, instead of completely relying on my "faith" alone, I did what any good mother would do, I went to the doctor. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I'm not the dullest either. Even so, I actually felt guilty for not completely leaning on my faith.
In the meantime, my new doctor did some tests and he found that I was very low on progesterone. That is the hormone that helps women keep their babies to full term. That is why I lost our second child, I didn't have enough progesterone to carry the baby to the fourth month, or when the placenta starts to manufacture additional progesterone. My doctor put me on a synthetic progesterone and my cramps stopped, and I carried Kyle with no more problems. All the tests and sonograms came back perfect, and we were excited for his arrival in November. All moms know that every pregnancy and delivery are different. Kyle came faster than Timothy, and when I was forced to push and then relax, that is when my body decided it wanted me to push - some of you ladies know what I mean. But at last, after 9 hours of laborious huffing and puffing, some Demerol taken a little too late, and a few good pushes, he was on my chest, warm, slimy and screaming! When Timothy was born, my doctor wouldn't allow Robert to see his birth, or even to cut his cord, because our doctor said that he had already 'lost' two fathers that day during deliveries, and he didn't want to lose a third. Anyway, here was Robert's second chance, but Robert was completely grossed out when the doctor insisted he cut Kyle's umbilical cord. Even so, he manned up and did the deed without vomiting, or passing out - - that's my man! That is also when we noticed Kyle was not as perfect as we had hoped, or thought he was. He had some deep ridges on his little head where his fontanels were, and to be honest his little cranium darn near looked like Frankenstein's. But the hospital staff didn't seem too alarmed by it, so I thought that it was normal, all part of the vaginal birth misshapen head syndrome. That is until the pediatrician came in to examine him. When she saw his little head, she gasped in alarm, not exactly something that instills confidence in a mother. Now I was alarmed, frighteningly so. She quickly recovered her professional composure and explained that she would like to have Kyle's head checked in the near future, but not to worry. She was some what convincing, but then again, I wanted to be convinced that he was okay. The next day as I was awaiting the person who was going to take his picture, that is when disaster struck. Kyle was cradled in my arms while she was setting up the camera, but he was still a little sleepy from the Demerol during delivery, so I supposed. Then I looked down into my arms and noticed he was limp and his little lips had turned blue. |
Fortunately for us, the camera lady was alert and acted fast. She grabbed Kyle out of my arms, hit the nurses button, and demanded they come in 'stat', and started suctioning out his little mouth and nose with that bulb thing. It all happened so fast, I didn't even have time to panic, he revived, but he was not a happy camper. But then a screaming baby is a breathing baby. This alarming experience was chalked up to mucus, and we were sent home with instructions on what to do if this should happen again, and happen again it did, several times. Every time it happened, I didn't call my doctor, I just figured he was having a hard time with mucus. That is until he was about 7 or 8 months old. After a feeding, I was burping him over my shoulder when he started to shake violently. I pulled him away from my shoulder and looked into his wide big brown eyes that seemed to be saying: "Hey! What is going on here?" and then he passed out cold, and his little lips went blue. Thankfully, my step-mother-in-law was sitting right beside me, and she is a nurse. She grabbed him out of my arms and went outside into the light and shined her little flashlight into a forced open eye. "Heather, he's just had a seizure!" she said. My world started to implode - a seizure? Robert and I jumped into our car, leaving Timothy with grandpa and grandma, and rushed him to a local children's hospital. The experience was more than awful, so I won't go into full details. Through a long series of events, we came to realize that we were the parents of a special needs child, Kyle wouldn't ever be "normal" this side of heaven. In stead of accepting this and dealing with it, I launched out even further into the deep and seemingly calm waters of Word of Faith teachings, completely unaware of the very large water fall down stream, that I was headed for. I had convinced myself that God was going to get the glory for Kyle's full healing and I was going to believe until I received what I confessed. Instead of loving Kyle the way he was, and being grateful that he wasn't worse off than he was, I almost loathed him. I know that is horrible to say, but deep down, that is what I really felt. Many years later, I even got a phone call out of the clear blue sky from a woman from my Bible study, who sternly chided me for not believing God enough for Kyle's full healing. I tried to explain to her that I had done, and was doing all that I could, but you see, that wasn't good enough for her. She made me feel like a complete "faith failure" and instead of edifying me, she made me angry. I mean just who did she think she was anyway? Her own daughter was rebelling and lost in sin, and sadly, probably still is. Apparently, she was offended by Kyle's condition and considered us as a blight on the butt of the Word of Faith theology. This was yet another missed opportunity on my part to really search the face of God and truly find him. More refining was in store for me. Fast forward a few years. |
It BeginsNow, because I was so entrenched in the Word of Faith by now, I began to let myself become unsatisfied with where I was in life, and that started to include who I was married to. This is what Word of Faith theology does under the surface. The promoters of these teachings will categorically deny this, but it is the honest truth. In retrospect, I can say with great thankfulness, that Robert wasn't completely on board with all of the Word of Faith teachings. So, back then, I felt as a result of this, that he was holding me back. The Word of Faith teaches many things in subtle fashion, things like covetousness, and a thirst for power, and a haughty pride in being a true "believer." So, they teach that if you don't like what you drive, or where you live, or what you earn, then start naming and claiming what you want, and don't forget to give your seed faith offerings to your local name it and claim it church, or television station. They only put a limit on their "name it and claim it" teachings based on God's commandments, and claim that you can't use their teachings on them. Meaning, you can't commit adultery by naming and claiming someone else's husband for yourself, or someone else's house, etc. Even so, these sins are a natural by-product or potential abuse of their teachings, and they know it. So they are careful to instruct their followers against greed, and covetousness on the surface. But this confusing and contradictory means of teaching will only lead to one thing: failure. The truth is that these people are indeed greedy, covetous, and lawless, because they really do teach you to be discontent with what you have. They do this by flaunting their lavish lifestyle in your face and claim they got it all by doing what they teach. Do you see the hypocrisy here? In reality, they only have great wealth because of the vast amounts of cash they were able to con out of other greedy people. This is how the lottery works. Ironically, they teach against the lottery because they claim God hates gambling. Not only because the sin of gambling destroys families by exploiting the poor, which it does, but also because, according to Kenneth Copeland, only one person benefits from it, the one who wins the loot! Did you hear that? Did you catch the hypocrisy? He just described his way of making money. He promises you that you too can be rich,
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if only you plant your hard earned cash (or seed faith money, as they like to call it) into his ministry. But what do you really get in return? You get the privilege of being a partner of his "ministry", a free propaganda magazine full of false teachings, and the joy of seeing him live high off the hog on the money you and millions of others could have used to feed your families, while you are barely scraping by. In contrast to their false teachings, the Bible teaches that godliness with contentment is great gain. But that Scripture doesn't support Word of Faith teachings. Since it is one of many antidotes to their poison, they skirt around it, or come back with something like: "Well God ain't poor and he's content!" or something to that effect, which is utter nonsense Word of Faith also falsely teaches that God won't send any physical harm upon his children to teach them something - because according to the Word of Faith preacher, that is "child abuse." At first, this sounds logical and they justify and reason their position very well from a human point of view, which is of course flawed. Dear reader, never forget that Satan knows Scripture better than most Christians, and is a proficient liar, and master deceiver who can transform himself into an angel of light, and so are his spiritual and earthly agents - namely demons and false teachers. So, by their teachings, if you are experiencing any physical ailment, or financial difficulty, or any other attack on your person, then it is Satan who is attacking you, not a result of living in a dying world, and you have to get to work in overcoming him with your faith, positive confession, and seed faith sowing. However, if you don't overcome him, then you are solely to blame, because your faith wasn't good enough, your confessions must have been too few, or you were in fear, and your seed money just wasn't enough. And don't even thing of blaming the people teaching you this stuff either, because they are quick to remind you that their teachings have worked and continues to work for them. That isn't true, but that is what they say, and their vast wealth and seeming excellent health are hard to argue against. Dear reader, this is a very cruel and dangerous place to be, but fortunately for me, God continued to pursue me, and he finally gave me a good shaking one night. |
Forgive Me For Interrupting...
...but first, I want to interject some truth serum against the lies of the "child abuse" claim of the Word of Faith use regarding sickness in the body of Christ. In order to explain the point I wish to make, let me say this: I don't own my children, they are on loan to me form God, because according to him, all souls belong to him. So, if I abused them either verbally or physically, then I am responsible not only to God, but also to the civil authorities God places over me. This holds true for property items as well. For example: If I so chose to slaughter an animal that I owned outright, then no charges would be filed against me in regards to theft, poaching, or animal cruelty. But if I catch and kill an animal that someone else owns, or in a public forest out of season, then I am in big trouble with the law. Do you follow me so far?
Therefore, because God owns every soul, whether they love and follow him or not, he reserves the right as supreme creator and owner of all things, to do whatever he sees fit to that soul he owns, especially if that soul is willfully sinning against his commandments. I can't stress that enough. God owns everything and everyone in this universe, he even owns Satan. So who exactly is The Almighty accountable to, if he wants to kill you, or make you sick for sinning against him? I can recall a teaching I was listening to from Kenneth Copeland where he was emphatically denying God his dominion over all his creation. He claimed that Adam, through his act of "treason", gave Satan complete dominion over the earth and that God's hands were legally "tied." Amazingly and shamefully I bought this putrid lie, but not before I bitterly fought it. I remember being angry that I had thought God was in complete control, now this "prophet" of God was saying he wasn't. Then he wove another lie by saying God needs us, his creation, or us, to give him legal right to operate in this world. This is where the Word Of Faith attempts to use God's word against him, this is a technique used in witchcraft, something King Solomon was quite familiar with. I may write on that a little later.
Now, as to the ridicule that people like Kenneth Copeland lay on people who know God is trying to correct them via sickness, but who still go to the doctor...this is when people like Kenneth Copeland often claim the person is fighting against God's will, if they go to the doctor, knowing God is trying to correct them with illness. This is only half true. If the sickness is indeed brought upon them by God in order to correct them, then no matter how much treatment they receive, they will not get better, even though naturally speaking, they should get better. God never forbids us to seek help while we are under his correction, either from a doctor, or from him. The whole point of the sickness is to turn the sinner to God in repentance, to seek his face and inquire of him. Then God reserves the right to either heal them, or kill them. Word of Faith's view of sickness is that all sickness is a curse and it is a bad thing, but this mentality is wholly skewed toward human reasoning, and not an example of proper biblical exegesis.
The Bible warns us to not call things that are bad, "good" and things that are good, "bad." This warning is meant to be viewed from God's perspective, not ours. No one, except a hypochondriac, likes to be sick; being sick sucks. But if that sickness brings about a change of heart, the very thing God meant it to accomplish, then in his eyes, sickness is a good thing, not a bad thing. Chew on that bitter pill of truth for a while. The Old and New Testament teaches that discernment is required BEFORE laying hands on sick people, for this very reason. The righteous, spiritually discerning, and mature Christian, must first learn from God, what is going on with regards to this person's situation, BEFORE any attempt is made to pray for the sick person. Jesus did this very thing many times. Sure, he's God and he already knew what was going on in the person's life before he questioned and then healed them. But he is our example, we are to follow his instructions and methods, not claim his godhood, or make assumptions upon his grace based on our feelings of what we think is right. And so, Word of Faith actually teaches you to scorn the correction of God, because it is well documented in Scripture that God uses sickness and disease as a highly effective way to correct and discipline his children.
So now, let us apply some common sense and the word of God to what the Word of Faith Bunch teach. They say that all sickness comes from Satan, and that when we resist Satan he flees. My question regarding this half truth is this : "Then if the person who is rebuking and binding the devil dies, then who was that person really rebuking and binding?" There are only two choices. Was it Satan, who should have fled, or was it God inflicting just punishment for the purpose of repentance? In Scripture God says that he is the one who makes the seeing and the blind, the lame and the mute [Ex. 4:11], not Satan. Are blindness and being mute good things? Not to us, but God has his reasons for bring these ailments about. He also says that he wounds and heals, and that he kills and brings to life, and no one, including Satan, can save anyone from his hand [Deut. 32:39]. Why would an all loving God wound or kill someone, isn't that 'bad'? Well, that depends on what you think is bad, compared to what God says is bad. Now consider this - there is something God never seeks form us: our council [Isa. 40:13-14]. He also says that escapes from death belong to him, and that he will wound the head of his enemies, or the one who still goes on in his trespasses [Ps. 68:20-21]. That means he decides who lives and who dies in regards to certain life threatening situations and sins. He decides, not us.
Does this God sound like the one the Word of Faith bunch preach about? No. The God they teach about is a benevolent sugar daddy, a sugar daddy that wants all his children to live long and prosper. But the God they preach about also happens to be the biggest failure in the Bible i.e. he lost his first created man and woman to sin, which meant according to them, that God had to beg for the help of men, or his prophets, so he could get a word in edgewise. Then they point out that his son died on the cross as a failure, etc... Yes, that's right dear reader, they have the nerve to teach that God is subject to men and Satan, because they claim The Almighty lost all his rights to his universe when Adam committed "high treason." They truly seem convinced of this, but is God? Does the Almighty agree with them? Well, let's go to the Scriptures and see. In the book of Gen. 3:14 when God is doling out punishments to the sinners, this clearly means he is still very much large and in charge. If there is any doubt of this fact in your mind, then God says that he is the supreme Lord and God of all his creation in every book after that, up to Rev. 22:21. Was God in denial when he said this stuff? Not hardly. This simply shows that Kenneth Copeland and Co. are liars, deceivers, unskilled in the Scriptures, and teachers of the doctrines of demons.
Okay, now that I have set that straight,I'll be moving on....where was I?
Therefore, because God owns every soul, whether they love and follow him or not, he reserves the right as supreme creator and owner of all things, to do whatever he sees fit to that soul he owns, especially if that soul is willfully sinning against his commandments. I can't stress that enough. God owns everything and everyone in this universe, he even owns Satan. So who exactly is The Almighty accountable to, if he wants to kill you, or make you sick for sinning against him? I can recall a teaching I was listening to from Kenneth Copeland where he was emphatically denying God his dominion over all his creation. He claimed that Adam, through his act of "treason", gave Satan complete dominion over the earth and that God's hands were legally "tied." Amazingly and shamefully I bought this putrid lie, but not before I bitterly fought it. I remember being angry that I had thought God was in complete control, now this "prophet" of God was saying he wasn't. Then he wove another lie by saying God needs us, his creation, or us, to give him legal right to operate in this world. This is where the Word Of Faith attempts to use God's word against him, this is a technique used in witchcraft, something King Solomon was quite familiar with. I may write on that a little later.
Now, as to the ridicule that people like Kenneth Copeland lay on people who know God is trying to correct them via sickness, but who still go to the doctor...this is when people like Kenneth Copeland often claim the person is fighting against God's will, if they go to the doctor, knowing God is trying to correct them with illness. This is only half true. If the sickness is indeed brought upon them by God in order to correct them, then no matter how much treatment they receive, they will not get better, even though naturally speaking, they should get better. God never forbids us to seek help while we are under his correction, either from a doctor, or from him. The whole point of the sickness is to turn the sinner to God in repentance, to seek his face and inquire of him. Then God reserves the right to either heal them, or kill them. Word of Faith's view of sickness is that all sickness is a curse and it is a bad thing, but this mentality is wholly skewed toward human reasoning, and not an example of proper biblical exegesis.
The Bible warns us to not call things that are bad, "good" and things that are good, "bad." This warning is meant to be viewed from God's perspective, not ours. No one, except a hypochondriac, likes to be sick; being sick sucks. But if that sickness brings about a change of heart, the very thing God meant it to accomplish, then in his eyes, sickness is a good thing, not a bad thing. Chew on that bitter pill of truth for a while. The Old and New Testament teaches that discernment is required BEFORE laying hands on sick people, for this very reason. The righteous, spiritually discerning, and mature Christian, must first learn from God, what is going on with regards to this person's situation, BEFORE any attempt is made to pray for the sick person. Jesus did this very thing many times. Sure, he's God and he already knew what was going on in the person's life before he questioned and then healed them. But he is our example, we are to follow his instructions and methods, not claim his godhood, or make assumptions upon his grace based on our feelings of what we think is right. And so, Word of Faith actually teaches you to scorn the correction of God, because it is well documented in Scripture that God uses sickness and disease as a highly effective way to correct and discipline his children.
So now, let us apply some common sense and the word of God to what the Word of Faith Bunch teach. They say that all sickness comes from Satan, and that when we resist Satan he flees. My question regarding this half truth is this : "Then if the person who is rebuking and binding the devil dies, then who was that person really rebuking and binding?" There are only two choices. Was it Satan, who should have fled, or was it God inflicting just punishment for the purpose of repentance? In Scripture God says that he is the one who makes the seeing and the blind, the lame and the mute [Ex. 4:11], not Satan. Are blindness and being mute good things? Not to us, but God has his reasons for bring these ailments about. He also says that he wounds and heals, and that he kills and brings to life, and no one, including Satan, can save anyone from his hand [Deut. 32:39]. Why would an all loving God wound or kill someone, isn't that 'bad'? Well, that depends on what you think is bad, compared to what God says is bad. Now consider this - there is something God never seeks form us: our council [Isa. 40:13-14]. He also says that escapes from death belong to him, and that he will wound the head of his enemies, or the one who still goes on in his trespasses [Ps. 68:20-21]. That means he decides who lives and who dies in regards to certain life threatening situations and sins. He decides, not us.
Does this God sound like the one the Word of Faith bunch preach about? No. The God they teach about is a benevolent sugar daddy, a sugar daddy that wants all his children to live long and prosper. But the God they preach about also happens to be the biggest failure in the Bible i.e. he lost his first created man and woman to sin, which meant according to them, that God had to beg for the help of men, or his prophets, so he could get a word in edgewise. Then they point out that his son died on the cross as a failure, etc... Yes, that's right dear reader, they have the nerve to teach that God is subject to men and Satan, because they claim The Almighty lost all his rights to his universe when Adam committed "high treason." They truly seem convinced of this, but is God? Does the Almighty agree with them? Well, let's go to the Scriptures and see. In the book of Gen. 3:14 when God is doling out punishments to the sinners, this clearly means he is still very much large and in charge. If there is any doubt of this fact in your mind, then God says that he is the supreme Lord and God of all his creation in every book after that, up to Rev. 22:21. Was God in denial when he said this stuff? Not hardly. This simply shows that Kenneth Copeland and Co. are liars, deceivers, unskilled in the Scriptures, and teachers of the doctrines of demons.
Okay, now that I have set that straight,I'll be moving on....where was I?
Oh yes ... on that fateful night Jesus verbally scolded me, when my darling was getting on my last nerve. Robert thought he was being funny, or was trying to get me out of my funk, but I wasn't amused. I have since forgotten what we were talking about, or what I was so upset about. But I do remember that I was standing in our kitchen feeling spiritually superior [another toxic by-product of Word of Faith teachings] with my arms folded across my seething chest: I was about to explode. When all of the sudden, I heard this audible stern voice shout in my ears - "YOU are BLOWING IT!" I still get a little emotional when I think about it... I felt my eyes get as big as saucers and I ran out of the kitchen to our bedroom and shut the door. Poor Robert, what he must have thought. Sitting on our bed I audibly asked, "What do you mean - I'm blowing it?" He didn't say another word - he didn't have to, deep down I knew exactly what he meant. I was my problem, not my husband. So, I had some choices to make then and there. I could pretend I didn't hear him, or I could ignore what he said, or I could actually do something about it, meaning I could change my attitude and behavior.
Again, Word of Faith does teach this sort of thing, that you should submit to authority, but their goal is to make you submit to their usurped authority, not to Jesus', like they claim. They even encourage and teach you to go above and beyond, where no mortal man has ever gone before- to become a "little god." I slowly, and I mean slowly, began to see that it was not Robert's job to make me happy. I mean really, who needs that kind of pressure? God made me to be his helper, not the other way around. Yes, a husband should treat his wife with kindness and tender care, but he is not meant to be the wife's servant, rather he should be her leader and protector. Living in the wrong role can lead to a lot of needless suffering. Yes, I was trying to be the leader of our household, a role that was not meant for a woman. The truth hurts dear reader, but once you accept it, it sets you free! This is where Genesis 3:15 comes into play. Some pastors dance around this topic, many claim Adam and Eve were equals before the fall. No they weren't. If that were true, then God would have made them at the same time, not in a succession, as Paul points out in 1 Tim. 2:13. The only thing men and women are "equal" in is that we are human beings, and that is where the equality ends. Well, being human and the equal opportunity of salvation, which is not based upon rank, merit, social status, gender, etc.
That was only the beginning of the long and difficult journey that lay ahead of me. The Lord was right, I was my own worst enemy, I was blowing it, and I can see that now. There were many times Jesus wanted to show me the truth about all of the false teachings I had planted in the garden of my heart, but at that time, I still refused to see it. I just wasn't ready to admit I was wrong, the bait of power that the Word of Faith uses is very seductive. And so, Jesus put me back into the fire of trials and tribulations, until I was more pliable and yielding. The Almighty knows just how much heat to apply, and how much force to use, as he is forging and sculpting his children into perfection, or maturity, without breaking, or damaging us - he is a master craftsman!
Again, Word of Faith does teach this sort of thing, that you should submit to authority, but their goal is to make you submit to their usurped authority, not to Jesus', like they claim. They even encourage and teach you to go above and beyond, where no mortal man has ever gone before- to become a "little god." I slowly, and I mean slowly, began to see that it was not Robert's job to make me happy. I mean really, who needs that kind of pressure? God made me to be his helper, not the other way around. Yes, a husband should treat his wife with kindness and tender care, but he is not meant to be the wife's servant, rather he should be her leader and protector. Living in the wrong role can lead to a lot of needless suffering. Yes, I was trying to be the leader of our household, a role that was not meant for a woman. The truth hurts dear reader, but once you accept it, it sets you free! This is where Genesis 3:15 comes into play. Some pastors dance around this topic, many claim Adam and Eve were equals before the fall. No they weren't. If that were true, then God would have made them at the same time, not in a succession, as Paul points out in 1 Tim. 2:13. The only thing men and women are "equal" in is that we are human beings, and that is where the equality ends. Well, being human and the equal opportunity of salvation, which is not based upon rank, merit, social status, gender, etc.
That was only the beginning of the long and difficult journey that lay ahead of me. The Lord was right, I was my own worst enemy, I was blowing it, and I can see that now. There were many times Jesus wanted to show me the truth about all of the false teachings I had planted in the garden of my heart, but at that time, I still refused to see it. I just wasn't ready to admit I was wrong, the bait of power that the Word of Faith uses is very seductive. And so, Jesus put me back into the fire of trials and tribulations, until I was more pliable and yielding. The Almighty knows just how much heat to apply, and how much force to use, as he is forging and sculpting his children into perfection, or maturity, without breaking, or damaging us - he is a master craftsman!
God's Mercy Is Often Mistaken As AcceptanceGod the Father is a Holy God, and he expects us, his children, to be holy too. Calm down, that doesn't mean we are to be completely sinless like he is. That just means we are to separate ourselves from unholy things, and consecrate ourselves to him. God is the "Holy" Spirit, because he is separate from, and opposed to, all the unholy spirits within the spiritual realm. When our Holy God, our Lord Jesus, is trying to discipline one of his naughty children, he goes about it in a certain way, and this is what makes him a very good and faithful father. First he teaches us the right way to go, as taught to us through his inerrant word. If the written instruction is not followed, then he moves to sending someone to warn us against continuing in the infraction, or sin, usually a prophet as in the case of the Old Testament, or a fellow believer as in the case of the New Testament. When the verbal warnings, also known as edification, are ignored, and some of us get more than enough verbal warnings, then he moves to other means of correction. Usually and finally to corporal punishment, or some kind of physical means of punishment. This is a biblical picture of proper parental discipline. First instruction, which moves to several verbal corrections, some more warnings, and finally a good spanking. How and when Jesus applies each stage of discipline is not set in stone. For me it took a couple of decades, even longer for my mom, before Jesus finally put us across his lap! He truly is long suffering and very patient. Yes, God is exceedingly patient with us, but when push comes to shove, he will do what he has to do in order to make his children want to mind him. Please, I beg you dear reader, don't wait that long, because it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of an angry God. One of God's biggest complaints against the children of Israel in the Old Testament, was that his penchant for long-suffering mercy, caused them to not fear, or revere him. They forgot how he could mess them up,
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if he chose to. God's four sore judgments as recorded in Scripture that were un-leashed upon the unrepentant and willful sinner, were and still are: pestilence [wild animals], plague [disease], sword/war, and famine. My mother was about to experience God's judgment of disease, something I was already very familiar with. Dear reader, please understand that God will not be mocked, what ever you sow, you will reap. Word of Faith teaches this, but they include and emphasize material goods as the means of sowing and reaping, where as God mostly meant it to be applied spiritually, and in regards to forgiveness and doing good to others. Obedience to God's teachings, and not false teachings, will go a long way in ensuring that you are more likely to reap a good harvest as opposed to a bad one. Of course, the Almighty reserves the right to send testings our way, even though we have done everything "right." He has his ways and purposes, he sees the big picture, we only see and know in part. That being said, it is our duty to seek God when something is not going right, that is what trials and tribulations are for - to turn us back to our Father and to make us grow stronger, not weaker. My mom was indeed an adulterous woman. She didn't reconcile with her living husband, like Scripture teaches, but instead remarried another man, after leaving my father for a man who didn't and never wanted her, apparently it was all a big misunderstanding on her part. It took her twenty years of running before the Lord finally said, "enough is enough." He sent her many people in her path to correct her, but she didn't listen. And now, Jesus was going to "kill two birds with one stone" as it were. By sending my mother plague - twice, he finally got my attention as well as hers, eventually. I say eventually, because my mom was so stubborn and obstinate, that she was even up until last moments of her life, convinced she was in God's will and in faith. Nothing could have been further from the truth. |
Plague Number One - Heart Trouble
My mom was hardly ever sick my whole life. She was the picture of health as far as I was concerned. Then after her second divorce, because the man she eventually married committed adultery, she started to exhibit some alarming symptoms. When she had left my house for jury duty one morning, she may have been a little annoyed at having to go to jury duty, but was physically fine. Later that morning I got a call from a deputy at the court house saying my mom had passed out and was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. "What?!" When I arrived at the hospital, she was in the emergency room and she was hooked up to a heart monitor. She was glad to see me, and said that it looked like she wasn't going to be going home soon, as they kept adding medical equipment to her. Finally, someone told us that her heart was not working right - her heart rate was erratic. I don't know much medical jargon, but that sounded serious - where's Dr. Bracket, or Dr. Early when you need them? No explanations were given as to why this was happening, but we were told that more tests would have to be done. The next day, after a nearly sleepless night spent rebuking and binding, name and claiming, a.k.a. heavy spiritual warfare, I raced to the hospital. With Bible in hand, I entered her room only to find an empty bed. I think my heart stopped. I inquired at the desk and was told she was in ICU. "What?!" I demanded to know why I wasn't called. They claimed they did - yeah right. My own heart began to race and pound erratically, was I having a heart attack?
There she was, in ICU hooked up to a heart monitor and it told me her pulse rate was revving out of control. Trying not to freak out, even though that is one of the things I do best, I calmly asked what had happened. She said during the night her heart rate went sky high, which sent the medical staff into high gear and they placed her in ICU. She was on some medications to get her heart rate under control. After days and days of reading the word, and positive confessing, we were were told matter-of-factly that she needed a heart transplant. "What?!" A heart transplant? No! This is when a second opinion is definitely required. Why was this name it and claim it stuff not working? That is what a sane person would ask. But, we minions are taught to have faith like Abraham, and we are taught to not question Word of Faith teachings either. But if anyone did dare to question them, then they would be ridiculed, and even threatened with, "touch not my anointed" or "other people who spoke against us got cancer and died."
By this time, my mom was spitting bullets, which of course wasn't good for her heart rate. It takes a lot to get her dander up, and she had had enough of their care, or rather lack of it, and so had I. No explanation was given to the reason her heart was acting this way after years of perfect health, and no reason was given for her sudden need of a new heart. When we took her to a specialist for a second opinion, the heart transplant was out, thank God, but she needed an angioplasty. Well that was leaps and bounds better than a heart transplant! Even so, my mom, who would not let a "practicing" doctor touch her heart with a 10 foot pole, and refused the routine procedure. Why? Because that is what the Word of Faith cult teaches you. Sure, "go to the hospital", they say, "have a couple of test and procedures done, but remember, all doctors are buffoons and incapable of healing any one."
By the way, most doctors know they can't heal anyone; they know that their knowledge is limited, and they can only diagnose and apply what they have learned works in order to aid the body in restoring itself to health. But what the Prosperity Bunch so conveniently forget to say is that in every profession, there are buffoons mixed in with adepts. They also forget to mention that had they not taken the medical advice of their doctor, and accepted the procedures they recommended, then they wouldn't be here today - all positive confession aside. They want, you dear reader, not them, to be healed on faith alone. According to them, their hospital stays are brief and almost non-existent. The reality is that not many Word of Faith minions even know that Kenneth "Dad" Hagin really died in the hospital of cardiac crisis, and not at home like the Prosperity Bunch claims he did! "Dad" Hagin arrogantly once said that if he had a head ache, or if he physically felt bad, he'd never tell you.
If that was indeed true, then why would he be forth coming with any information regarding several hospitalizations for heart failure? He had in fact 4 major heart failures in 1939, 1942, 1949, and 1973, where he spent time in a hospital under a doctor's care. Many will deny this of course and claim that it was all his positive confessions that caused Jesus to heal him. Now, these wolves don't outright instruct you to stop taking your medications, or to stop going to the doctor, because then they could be sued, and that would mean they would have to part with their hard earned mammon they swindled from the poor sheep. But that is exactly what is heavily implied and enforced by them and other heartless Word of Faith minions. If you fully submit to medical treatment, then your faith is weak, and you are therefore a sub-par Christian.
With all the claims from non-Christians that there are "contractions" in the Bible, it amazes me how so-called Christians, prosperity preacher to be more specific, provide more than enough biblical contradictions in their teachings, yet most Christians are oblivious to them. Such as their claim that Jesus was not victorious on the cross, which is, according to them, a symbol of failure. Yet they claim that because of the cross, by his stripes you were healed. Do you see what I mean? How can the cross of Christ be a symbol of failure, while at the same time, be the means of defeat for sickness? Isn't the defeat of sickness a success? If Kenneth Hagin was indeed personally anointed by Jesus himself to be a faith healer, than why did his sister die of cancer? These are things that should make people say, "Hmm." I do not say that mockingly, I simply say that because the facts, and logical reason demand the question to be asked and answered.
At any rate, my mom never got the procedure done, and to my knowledge, she didn't have another episode. Since I wanted her to be healed by Jesus, I concluded she was right when she claimed that Jesus had healed her. But still, I would have been more comfortable to have had medical confirmation. Even the charlatans of the Word of Faith claim they are okay with that. For a long time I watched her like a hawk, but then she moved out of my home and my smothering ways to my sister Lauri's. I was a little hurt, but Lauri needed her assistance more than I did, and my mom would have a lot more privacy than she did at my house - Lauri wouldn't hover like I did. This is when I finally started to search God for answers, but then I pulled back when the immediate threat subsided. But that was only a hint of what was to come - this was a mere teaser storm - the total devastation of the perfect storm was on the horizon, just out of view.
There she was, in ICU hooked up to a heart monitor and it told me her pulse rate was revving out of control. Trying not to freak out, even though that is one of the things I do best, I calmly asked what had happened. She said during the night her heart rate went sky high, which sent the medical staff into high gear and they placed her in ICU. She was on some medications to get her heart rate under control. After days and days of reading the word, and positive confessing, we were were told matter-of-factly that she needed a heart transplant. "What?!" A heart transplant? No! This is when a second opinion is definitely required. Why was this name it and claim it stuff not working? That is what a sane person would ask. But, we minions are taught to have faith like Abraham, and we are taught to not question Word of Faith teachings either. But if anyone did dare to question them, then they would be ridiculed, and even threatened with, "touch not my anointed" or "other people who spoke against us got cancer and died."
By this time, my mom was spitting bullets, which of course wasn't good for her heart rate. It takes a lot to get her dander up, and she had had enough of their care, or rather lack of it, and so had I. No explanation was given to the reason her heart was acting this way after years of perfect health, and no reason was given for her sudden need of a new heart. When we took her to a specialist for a second opinion, the heart transplant was out, thank God, but she needed an angioplasty. Well that was leaps and bounds better than a heart transplant! Even so, my mom, who would not let a "practicing" doctor touch her heart with a 10 foot pole, and refused the routine procedure. Why? Because that is what the Word of Faith cult teaches you. Sure, "go to the hospital", they say, "have a couple of test and procedures done, but remember, all doctors are buffoons and incapable of healing any one."
By the way, most doctors know they can't heal anyone; they know that their knowledge is limited, and they can only diagnose and apply what they have learned works in order to aid the body in restoring itself to health. But what the Prosperity Bunch so conveniently forget to say is that in every profession, there are buffoons mixed in with adepts. They also forget to mention that had they not taken the medical advice of their doctor, and accepted the procedures they recommended, then they wouldn't be here today - all positive confession aside. They want, you dear reader, not them, to be healed on faith alone. According to them, their hospital stays are brief and almost non-existent. The reality is that not many Word of Faith minions even know that Kenneth "Dad" Hagin really died in the hospital of cardiac crisis, and not at home like the Prosperity Bunch claims he did! "Dad" Hagin arrogantly once said that if he had a head ache, or if he physically felt bad, he'd never tell you.
If that was indeed true, then why would he be forth coming with any information regarding several hospitalizations for heart failure? He had in fact 4 major heart failures in 1939, 1942, 1949, and 1973, where he spent time in a hospital under a doctor's care. Many will deny this of course and claim that it was all his positive confessions that caused Jesus to heal him. Now, these wolves don't outright instruct you to stop taking your medications, or to stop going to the doctor, because then they could be sued, and that would mean they would have to part with their hard earned mammon they swindled from the poor sheep. But that is exactly what is heavily implied and enforced by them and other heartless Word of Faith minions. If you fully submit to medical treatment, then your faith is weak, and you are therefore a sub-par Christian.
With all the claims from non-Christians that there are "contractions" in the Bible, it amazes me how so-called Christians, prosperity preacher to be more specific, provide more than enough biblical contradictions in their teachings, yet most Christians are oblivious to them. Such as their claim that Jesus was not victorious on the cross, which is, according to them, a symbol of failure. Yet they claim that because of the cross, by his stripes you were healed. Do you see what I mean? How can the cross of Christ be a symbol of failure, while at the same time, be the means of defeat for sickness? Isn't the defeat of sickness a success? If Kenneth Hagin was indeed personally anointed by Jesus himself to be a faith healer, than why did his sister die of cancer? These are things that should make people say, "Hmm." I do not say that mockingly, I simply say that because the facts, and logical reason demand the question to be asked and answered.
At any rate, my mom never got the procedure done, and to my knowledge, she didn't have another episode. Since I wanted her to be healed by Jesus, I concluded she was right when she claimed that Jesus had healed her. But still, I would have been more comfortable to have had medical confirmation. Even the charlatans of the Word of Faith claim they are okay with that. For a long time I watched her like a hawk, but then she moved out of my home and my smothering ways to my sister Lauri's. I was a little hurt, but Lauri needed her assistance more than I did, and my mom would have a lot more privacy than she did at my house - Lauri wouldn't hover like I did. This is when I finally started to search God for answers, but then I pulled back when the immediate threat subsided. But that was only a hint of what was to come - this was a mere teaser storm - the total devastation of the perfect storm was on the horizon, just out of view.
Plague Number Two - Breast CancerThere are few things more devastating than hearing you, or a loved one has cancer, and this reality would soon hit home. At this point I would also like to point out, that even after decades of the Word of Faith bunch's teachings, that even many of them have succumbed to and continue to exhibit a host of cancers, and yes, they even die from them. Shouldn't there logically be an absence of these types of illnesses, if their teachings are true? Why do these things even come upon them, if they don't confess them in the first place? These are logical and reasonable questions that must be answered, not waived off, or rebuked. God himself welcomes honest questions from searching and lost souls that are longing for honest answers, he never turns them away, or ridicules them. A couple of years after her heart scare, my mom started to exhibit a lack of mobility in her left arm, and then it progressed to her left leg. That alarmed me a little being that the trouble was on her left side - the heart side. She claimed she had injured herself at work, but refused to see a doctor. Typical Word of Faith indoctrination at work - here we go again. Finally, she relented to see a Christian chiropractor, if there was ever a contradiction of terms. Chiropractic roughly means "done by hand" or "practical hand" in Latin. Like it or not, the idea behind this field of treatment is that whole body health can be had by proper nerve function via hand manipulation of your neck, spine and other joints. The roots of this practice are pagan. Why? Well, early civilizations had some pretty crazy ideas on how the body worked. Autopsies were never performed on the dead as it was taboo. So they built a science around false assumptions such as wind flowing through tunnels instead of blood flowing through arteries and veins, or a lit candle was in the chest and so forth. When researched, chiropractic care is right up there with acupuncture, which we also tried later on - my bad. So really, to be a "Christian" chiropractor, or acupuncturist is to be a "Christian" witch-doctor, do you see contradiction there? Which is why most medical doctors don't put much stock into these fields, as they are based on ancient faulty knowledge of the way the body works, in other words, they are a lie. Anyway, she went to see the chiropractor and then he called me into his office with a very grave look on his face - yeah that was alarming. There was my mom, sitting in a chair, looking at the floor of the office, and slightly nervous. I braced myself for the obviously bad news to come, but I was in no way prepared to hear the words that came from his mouth: "Your mom has a large mass on her left breast." "What?!" My heart sank into the pit of my stomach, but I was calm, strangely, and eerily calm. He then said that she needed medical attention that day, and not to wait, he was sternly adamant in tone and manner - I knew it was very serious. I
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collected my mom, thanked him for his time and nice prayer, and we walked slowly back to my car. I was in a daze. Yet I had no questions like: "How long have you had this lump?", or "What in the h-e-double toothpick is wrong with you?", or "Why didn't you say something when you first noticed it?" No. I just said, "Wow, I can't believe how calm I am." And my mom tearfully agreed with me in relief. You know, as a veteran of many medical tragedies and crises, one would think that by now I would be naturally less prone to freaking out. Even so, I was amazed by my calm more than eager to find out any information from my mom, because that would entail "negative" confessions. I called the leader of our Bible study and told her what little I knew, and that we would be there that night as usual. I had no idea what was in store for us, my mind was swirling, but I had one seeming lifeline, our Bible study group, once affectionately known to me as - "The Peeps", which I now refer to as "The Coven", more on that later. The "Peeps" believed as we did, and they understood what needed to be done- positive confession and radical faith. There is a lot to be said for moral support when you are going through a hard time. Really, that is what family and close friends are for, moral and physical support, even if it is dysfunctional, it is still a blessing regardless. Our family went on our scheduled vacation to see Robert's dad and step mom, Beth. I needed to get away for a while. Even so, I was waiting for news from my sister regarding our mom's health status after an impending examination was scheduled. We had a nice family visit, and on the way home I received a tearful call from my younger sister. When Lauri cries, it's really bad. She is much stronger emotionally than I am, but that doesn't mean she is heartless. I braced myself for the news, literally, I think my knuckles went white as I grabbed onto my seat as I tensed up. "The cancer has moved to her brain, that is why she can't move her left side", she sobbed. I closed my eyes fighting the tears and thought, "Oh my God!" The knives of fear, terror, and dread stabbed my soul. I told her I understood, and that we would be home soon. She said brain surgery was scheduled and we would go from there. I did the only thing I could think of doing, I called the leader of the Peeps. In restrained tearful agony, I told her only so much, mostly that it was bad, because as a well trained Word of Faith minion, one must not voice any "negative" confessions or even dare to say the "C" word. I could go on and on and tell you absolutely every agonizing detail of the next two years or so, but I won't. The point is that even at that physically difficult and emotionally trying time, both my mom and I were not yet ready to face the truth. We were living a lie. We were basking in a false light, a great darkness, and thus we were spiritually lost, very lost. |
Fighting The Good Fight
Toward the end, it only got worse, contrary to what we were taught in the Word of Faith. Well, to be honest, they set you up for failure, but they mask it as "faith", or "fighting the good fight of faith." Meaning that they tell you to keep confession and believing no matter how bad things look, until you finally sink with your ship. But rather than throw you a life line when you start to sink, most Word of Faith minions allow you to drown, because they tire of trying to save you, or some of the really cruel minions throw you a lead weighted lifesaver. That means you are sneered at and labeled as a "faith failure", when your miracle doesn't happen, or they harass and ridicule you when you go the medical route. In regards to Scripture, all false teachings have a measure of truth in them, but they mix sound biblical teaching with the doctrine of demons. They don't take biblical teachings in context, they cut and paste them, or wrest them to fit their purposes. Neither I, nor my mother were fighting the good fight of faith, we were actually fighting God and his disciplinary correction. And when you fight The Almighty, whether in ignorance or willful defiance, you will lose every time.
I finally asked my mom why she waited so long to get medical care and she said, "Honey, I thought I was being in faith by not going to the doctor, but I guess I wasn't." This religion is so cruel it is mind boggling why anyone would want to join it. But, as I have learned the hard way, as with all secret societies, cults, and heresies, it is a slow duping process. If they truthfully told people what they were really about, then no one in their right mind would follow them. These satanic megalomaniac fishermen hook people with lures such as: greed, secret knowledge, and/or the promise of providing power and control. And then while their prey is feeding on the bait; they slowly reel in their catch. Their catch might jump the line if they real in too fast, so they go nice and slow. That is unless of course they considered a certain person to be special, then that person is elevated to what they call: "the fast track." That is not a compliment by the way, that only means they sense that person is more like one of them, and are therefore a desirable and promising initiate, maybe even a future false teacher, and pack leader.
Anyway, the more you are lulled into, and buy their lies, the less likely you will be alerted to the fact you are slowly being fleeced, skinned, cut up, cooked, and then eaten. They know that a frog placed in boiling water would immediately jump out, so they only turn up the heat slowly. Yes, The Almighty was trying to get our attention. So he sent his sore judgement of illness to shock us into reality. Did he fully get our attention? Not quite yet. Our consciences were already some what seared. One should never under estimate the Satanic hold that these and other false teachings can have on a person, they are indeed strong holds inflicted by "the strong man", but fortunately for us, The Almighty is stronger still!
Yes dear reader, through our Lord's holy refining process, I was slowly melting and yielding to the Lord's holy and righteous smithery. I was beginning to turn to him and his word for support, and answers, and less toward: "The Peeps." I was finally beginning to question the decades of teachings I had received. I was beginning to develop an insatiable hunger for the real God of the Bible, and I was determined to not draw back from Him, not this time. I had faced life and death with my brother passing away, my miscarriage, our son's mental health, my husband's health [he suffered a near ruptured appendix], and now my mom's rapidly failing health. But this one was bone crushingly hard, because cancer is considered to be a death row sentence. Not many escape it's imprisonment via a reprieve from the "Governor", or a daring planned escape through medical treatment. Or if a person manages to miraculously survive the brutal cure, the chances of being caught and imprisoned by the disease once more are relatively high, even before 5 years are up. As my mom was sick and yes, dying, a slow painful death via a mixture of cancer, natural remedies and Word of Faith diatribe, I was slowly and painfully dying too - inwardly. Yet, amazingly, she never complained, never was cranky, or rude; sadly, I know I would have been all of those things if I were in her place. She amazed me even then, with her grace and patience. That is the good part of the heresy, they tell you not to complain, remember, no negative words. Even so, my faith started to crumble the weaker and sicker she got, but amazingly, that only made me more determined to hang on to it. I would not allow myself to admit defeat, and neither would she.
I finally asked my mom why she waited so long to get medical care and she said, "Honey, I thought I was being in faith by not going to the doctor, but I guess I wasn't." This religion is so cruel it is mind boggling why anyone would want to join it. But, as I have learned the hard way, as with all secret societies, cults, and heresies, it is a slow duping process. If they truthfully told people what they were really about, then no one in their right mind would follow them. These satanic megalomaniac fishermen hook people with lures such as: greed, secret knowledge, and/or the promise of providing power and control. And then while their prey is feeding on the bait; they slowly reel in their catch. Their catch might jump the line if they real in too fast, so they go nice and slow. That is unless of course they considered a certain person to be special, then that person is elevated to what they call: "the fast track." That is not a compliment by the way, that only means they sense that person is more like one of them, and are therefore a desirable and promising initiate, maybe even a future false teacher, and pack leader.
Anyway, the more you are lulled into, and buy their lies, the less likely you will be alerted to the fact you are slowly being fleeced, skinned, cut up, cooked, and then eaten. They know that a frog placed in boiling water would immediately jump out, so they only turn up the heat slowly. Yes, The Almighty was trying to get our attention. So he sent his sore judgement of illness to shock us into reality. Did he fully get our attention? Not quite yet. Our consciences were already some what seared. One should never under estimate the Satanic hold that these and other false teachings can have on a person, they are indeed strong holds inflicted by "the strong man", but fortunately for us, The Almighty is stronger still!
Yes dear reader, through our Lord's holy refining process, I was slowly melting and yielding to the Lord's holy and righteous smithery. I was beginning to turn to him and his word for support, and answers, and less toward: "The Peeps." I was finally beginning to question the decades of teachings I had received. I was beginning to develop an insatiable hunger for the real God of the Bible, and I was determined to not draw back from Him, not this time. I had faced life and death with my brother passing away, my miscarriage, our son's mental health, my husband's health [he suffered a near ruptured appendix], and now my mom's rapidly failing health. But this one was bone crushingly hard, because cancer is considered to be a death row sentence. Not many escape it's imprisonment via a reprieve from the "Governor", or a daring planned escape through medical treatment. Or if a person manages to miraculously survive the brutal cure, the chances of being caught and imprisoned by the disease once more are relatively high, even before 5 years are up. As my mom was sick and yes, dying, a slow painful death via a mixture of cancer, natural remedies and Word of Faith diatribe, I was slowly and painfully dying too - inwardly. Yet, amazingly, she never complained, never was cranky, or rude; sadly, I know I would have been all of those things if I were in her place. She amazed me even then, with her grace and patience. That is the good part of the heresy, they tell you not to complain, remember, no negative words. Even so, my faith started to crumble the weaker and sicker she got, but amazingly, that only made me more determined to hang on to it. I would not allow myself to admit defeat, and neither would she.
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel
Thankfully, and mercifully, God allowed me to hear the sweetest words my soul longed to hear come from my mom's lips. He did this so my soul would be at peace. I am so grateful to him, I mean, how many people get that gift, the gift of complete assurance, knowing their erring loved one repented and is in heaven after they die? I was so tired that night, I had been up for nearly 22 hours, taking care of her and my family. I told her that I had to take a little nap, but that I would be right there if she needed me. A little while later, as I was dozing in and out of zombie consciousness, that is when I heard her small sincere voice say into the still darkness, "Jesus, I am so sorry for being such a liar." "That is all she said, and when I heard it, the relief that hit my soul was indescribable. A few hours later, she was not able to talk anymore. Even after she died and was cremated, I refused to give up on my faith. Now that is a surreal experience. Holding your mom's ashes in your lap, all the while believing God can and would bring her back to life. Abraham would have been so proud, right? At last, after many weeks of waiting for a fantasy phone call from authorities that never came, telling me to pick up my mom, who they found alive wondering her favorite beach in her birthday suite, that is when it finally hit me. She was gone. She was not going to be coming back, at least not until Jesus did. At last, on that fateful stiflingly quite
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night, the night that the exact date escapes me, the night in which all of the weight of the grief that was crushing my heart and smothering me was more than I could bear, that is the night I would be thrown a life line. The struggle of treading water and trying to save myself from drowning under the waves of disappointment was proving to be too much for me. All the years of trying to keep my head just above the crashing waves of unfulfilled promises were finally nearing an end. As I physically gasped to relieve my air starved lungs, I shattered the darkness with this sincere and violent tearful cry for help, a cry that contained a forbidden question: "Jesus! Why did she have to die?!", I sat bolt upright in bed and I screamed into my pillow, sobbing violently. My poor Robert. He had been such a pillar of strength for me in those dark, physically and emotionally trying days, and now I almost gave him a heart attack! There was no immediate answer uttered back, not like the Word of Faith leaders say they get from the Lord. No. Only a quiet stillness. Immediately I noticed that the smothering feeling was gone, and I could breath again. The desperation and heaviness were replaced by a soothing calm and sense that there was a light at the end of that long dark tunnel. I was finally leaving the valley of the shadow of death. For the first time in a long time, I slept in peace. I knew he would answer me. |
Can You Handle The Truth? Most People Can't.
Truth. Truth is a word that has been abused and misused for millennia, like so many other words such as: love, freedom, and faith. Men and women the world over claim they want the truth. They write many a poem, and pen many songs dedicated to it, lauding its virtue, and lamenting over its scarcity. Yet when it is clarion call is sounded, or boldly penned and put on display for the public to embrace, history records that more often than not, the bearers of truth bravely do so to the forfeit of their life. Why? What is so volatile about the truth that makes some people willing commit murder in order to suppress it? Not to be cliche, but ol' Colonel Jessup was right, when he shouted that now famous line at Lt. Daniel Kaffee, who felt entitled to know the truth in the movie, "A Few Good Men." Not many people can handle it- the truth.
The truth - God's absolute truth to be exact, is what I crave. After you get a taste of it, nothing else compares. Not a truth, not some truth, but the whole truth and nothing but the truth, that's the good stuff. According to Scripture - the true Christian's manual and standard of living- truth is what will set you free. Since - according to the Bible - The Almighty created the world and everything in it, then it stands to reason that he has the right to set the standard, or rules for living in it. So who is the keeper or bearer of the standard of the truth? Jesus is. So what better person is there to be handing out the bitter pills of absolute truth that cures all of the ills of a sick and weary soul, than the one who created those souls?
Scripture says that every man is a liar, but God is true. Jesus, God in the flesh, is the way, the truth, and the life, and no one gets to the Father, but through, or by him. He is also called the living word, or Scripture, meaning, he is the author of it. So, just as people react violently toward Jesus being the only way to God, they will do so when the truth is uttered, because it exposes and expels the darkness where lies hide. When someone speaks "truth", but it doesn't cause a violent reaction, then it's not the absolute truth. When absolute truth is spoken, it even causes a violent reaction with in the people who really wanted to hear it!
For something to be considered a counterfeit, it is understood that there is an original. Just as there is only one absolute truth, there are many counterfeits, knock offs, or even"half" truths. Do you see the correlation? So the original standard or measuring line for the truth is God's inerrant word - or Scripture. Sure, many will claim that the Bible is not inerrant, and that there are many mistakes found in it, even contradictions. They even provide somewhat convincing proof of their claims, but when their proofs are put to the flame of scrutiny, they vanish like rum burnt off in a flaming pan of Bananas Foster. You see dear reader, the truth is never afraid of scrutiny, truth revels in it. The truth doesn't fear being exposed, the truth welcomes exposure. When there is a fraud being questioned in your midst, they are loud, obnoxious, and haughty, or they may even be evasive and never really answer the direct and probing questions you ask them. Yes I tell you the truth, that when someone asks a genuine question that would expose the liar, insults fly from the liar's mouth, and demeaning rhetoric is aimed at the questioner's intelligence. This is standard Word of Faith procedure when exposure is a threat.
The truth - God's absolute truth to be exact, is what I crave. After you get a taste of it, nothing else compares. Not a truth, not some truth, but the whole truth and nothing but the truth, that's the good stuff. According to Scripture - the true Christian's manual and standard of living- truth is what will set you free. Since - according to the Bible - The Almighty created the world and everything in it, then it stands to reason that he has the right to set the standard, or rules for living in it. So who is the keeper or bearer of the standard of the truth? Jesus is. So what better person is there to be handing out the bitter pills of absolute truth that cures all of the ills of a sick and weary soul, than the one who created those souls?
Scripture says that every man is a liar, but God is true. Jesus, God in the flesh, is the way, the truth, and the life, and no one gets to the Father, but through, or by him. He is also called the living word, or Scripture, meaning, he is the author of it. So, just as people react violently toward Jesus being the only way to God, they will do so when the truth is uttered, because it exposes and expels the darkness where lies hide. When someone speaks "truth", but it doesn't cause a violent reaction, then it's not the absolute truth. When absolute truth is spoken, it even causes a violent reaction with in the people who really wanted to hear it!
For something to be considered a counterfeit, it is understood that there is an original. Just as there is only one absolute truth, there are many counterfeits, knock offs, or even"half" truths. Do you see the correlation? So the original standard or measuring line for the truth is God's inerrant word - or Scripture. Sure, many will claim that the Bible is not inerrant, and that there are many mistakes found in it, even contradictions. They even provide somewhat convincing proof of their claims, but when their proofs are put to the flame of scrutiny, they vanish like rum burnt off in a flaming pan of Bananas Foster. You see dear reader, the truth is never afraid of scrutiny, truth revels in it. The truth doesn't fear being exposed, the truth welcomes exposure. When there is a fraud being questioned in your midst, they are loud, obnoxious, and haughty, or they may even be evasive and never really answer the direct and probing questions you ask them. Yes I tell you the truth, that when someone asks a genuine question that would expose the liar, insults fly from the liar's mouth, and demeaning rhetoric is aimed at the questioner's intelligence. This is standard Word of Faith procedure when exposure is a threat.
The Truth Hurts - A Lot !The Lord led me to stop jumping around the Bible and to read it like a normal book is read. I was to start at the very beginning, and work my way to the end of the book. I was not going to be allowed to skip - no skipping - he seemed adamant about that. So that is what I did. I started at Genesis 1:1 and began reading. As I read, I used colored highlighters, this helped me stay on task, showed me what I had read, and allowed me to highlight things that "jumped out" at me, or things that were important, like when God was actually speaking. Do you know what happened? Well, several things happened. First, I found things in there that I never knew were in there. Second, a lot of things I was confused about got straightened out, like certain details of what I considered to be "familiar" stories. And I realized that the Old Testament was the foundation for the New - if something isn't in the Old Testament, then it won't be in the New Testament - there is nothing "new" under the sun. And most importantly, I began to fall completely and hopelessly in love with the real God of the Bible! As I read through hundreds of those thin pages, I began to see how big, strong, and powerful, He is. Yet, I saw that he was and is loving, merciful, humble and gracious. I learned He is just and faithful no matter how faithless we are, meaning, he keeps his promises even when we don't. He never changes the rules, he's strict, but fair. For the first time in my life, I finally knew my God, and He was, and is, more than wonderful! There were days I could hardly see the words through my tears. With every watery drop that ran down my hot cheeks, a little more rubble would fall from the strong hold, another weed would be plucked and another clod of dirt would be busted up in my heart. Then finally I got to Matthew where Jesus was being dedicated in the Temple, and it mentioned Joseph and Mary's sacrifice, which they were to give according to the law. I remembered reading that in Leviticus, so I thumbed back to reread it. It must have taken me ten minutes of going back and forth. I was actually arguing with God about their sacrifice as recorded in Scripture. According to Word of Faith doctrine, Jesus and his family were rich, so that meant they would have offered the required lamb. I was taught that they had received a huge offering from the Magi, and Joseph was a successful carpenter, I mean come on Lord get it right! But instead of the expected lamb, they offered the two doves
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required of the poor. Can you see my quandary in the face of this apparent contradiction? Then something wonderful happened! God's word finally dropped into my heart and the wool was taken from my eyes and I clearly remember sitting at my dining room table and slamming my clenched fists onto the table. With my head bowed low in shame, I screamed, "Jesus' family was poor!" Behold the power of God's laser sharp word. It only took 10 minutes to skillfully cut away decades of festering false teaching. After sobbing cleansing tears of anguish and repentance, I was ready for more truth. I was indeed hooked. He was supplying me with genuine grade "A" [absolute] truth, and I couldn't get enough of it. I felt assured that there was plenty more and he would give me only as much of the pure stuff, as I could handle. Every time he began to pull up a deeply rooted thorn of false teaching from my heart, it hurt immensely, but afterward I felt lighter, healthier, and stronger. You see dear reader, when I was left with nothing after my mom died (other than a box of dust) and the feeling of being a failure, thankfully I wanted an accounting for what had just happened. Something went wrong, horribly wrong, and all I wanted was some answers. Things just did not turn out like I was told they would. I didn't want to "blame" anyone, I just wanted to discover what went wrong. We humans should be compelled to evaluate what has happened in any situation, so we can apply what we have learned, that is how we grow. The Bible tells us that a curse causeless does not alight, and sickness is a curse, so what is its cause? That is what I was compelled to find out. If you don't learn from history, then you are doomed to repeat it. I never once considered the possibility that God messed up - He was not my problem, He was my solution. I thought that either I miss handled or misunderstood what I was taught. I even dared to think that what I was taught might have been wrong, but never in my wildest dreams did I even consider the magnitude of what God was about to show me. After reading through my Bible, now it was time for me to take a good, long, hard, and scrutinizing look at whom I had been listening to; all of the men and women who offered me their fruits I bought and consumed over the last 30 or so years. Looking back now, it makes me think I should have bought stock in Kleenex! |
Liar Liar...
"Wait a minute! Isn't anyone here a real sheep?"
Do you see this comic? Look at it carefully and read the caption below. I think the artist entitled it something like, "Word of Faith Pastor's Conference." Just let that sink in for a moment. The acronym for Word of Faith is actually W.O.F. Please note that when you insert an "L" for the word - liars into the middle of it, then you can spell wolf! And that is what I was about to discover.
My heart was racing wildly, I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears and my breathing was labored. I had been here before, but this time it was different. As I reached my icy fingers to the keyboard, I nervously and slowly typed in these forbidden words: "Kenneth Copeland heretic" and I closed my eyes to steady myself. Was I having a real heart attack this time? No. I was just about to go against years of cult training, so I breathed deep and said a sincere prayer that the Lord would guide my search. I was hungry for truth, absolute truth, and I wouldn't allow myself to pull back anymore. Another deep breath, then I hit enter, and cautiously opened my eyes to read the screen. Once more I saw there were many hits to choose from!
Yes, I had been here before, when my mom was sick with her heart ailment, but I pulled back. Determined I chose from the list and stated to read. As I read account after account of similar stories to mine, the squirming stopped, and was replaced with hot tears of empathy. I wasn't the only one who had suffered loss while living as a Word of Faith minion. Then I chose another site from the list, and this person took the time to systematically go over many of Kenneth Copeland's teachings and match them up with Scripture. The Scriptures this website exegete used to refute Kenneth Copeland's teachings were in context and undeniable. More cleansing tears of heart felt repentance fell day after wonderful day. God showed me that not only was I wrong in how I applied what I was taught, but I was wrong to even have allowed myself to learn Word of Faith teachings. In other words, they were doctrines of demons, or lies. My conclusion was wrong, not only was I wrong in my application of what I had learned, but the very teachings I cherished and adopted were wrong. The only thing I got right was that God is never wrong - thank God for that.
My heart was racing wildly, I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears and my breathing was labored. I had been here before, but this time it was different. As I reached my icy fingers to the keyboard, I nervously and slowly typed in these forbidden words: "Kenneth Copeland heretic" and I closed my eyes to steady myself. Was I having a real heart attack this time? No. I was just about to go against years of cult training, so I breathed deep and said a sincere prayer that the Lord would guide my search. I was hungry for truth, absolute truth, and I wouldn't allow myself to pull back anymore. Another deep breath, then I hit enter, and cautiously opened my eyes to read the screen. Once more I saw there were many hits to choose from!
Yes, I had been here before, when my mom was sick with her heart ailment, but I pulled back. Determined I chose from the list and stated to read. As I read account after account of similar stories to mine, the squirming stopped, and was replaced with hot tears of empathy. I wasn't the only one who had suffered loss while living as a Word of Faith minion. Then I chose another site from the list, and this person took the time to systematically go over many of Kenneth Copeland's teachings and match them up with Scripture. The Scriptures this website exegete used to refute Kenneth Copeland's teachings were in context and undeniable. More cleansing tears of heart felt repentance fell day after wonderful day. God showed me that not only was I wrong in how I applied what I was taught, but I was wrong to even have allowed myself to learn Word of Faith teachings. In other words, they were doctrines of demons, or lies. My conclusion was wrong, not only was I wrong in my application of what I had learned, but the very teachings I cherished and adopted were wrong. The only thing I got right was that God is never wrong - thank God for that.
Facing The Coven, I Mean - "The Peeps"
Reactions of W.O.F. witches when exposed to biblical truth
A coven is a group of witches, in case you didn't know that. Why do I say that? Well, through the course of my studies, one of the materials that found its way into my searching hands was called, "Demons In The World Today ", by Merrill F. Unger. When I first read this book, many parts of it were hard for me to grasp, but other's were clearer for me. The terminology the author used was one hurdle to overcome, and the still clinging spiritual fog was another. In other words, I wasn't completely set free yet, there were still some things I had to let go of. This process dear reader, has taken around three years to accomplish, so far. That may sound like a long time, but remember, I had been in this false theology for 20 plus years, as a dedicated Word of Faith minion. So, comparatively speaking, three years is pretty good. Anyway, within the pages of this book lay the final cutting tool that Jesus would use to remove the final link, or lynch pin, in the chain of lies that bound me. The truth that would aid in my full release from the chains of bondage which I had help forge was only moments away. A little less than half way through the book I read this caption: "White magic verses biblical faith and prayer." on page 86. This caught my attention and I'll tell you why.
There is someone in my life who I discovered through a series of events, to be a student and practitioner of Wicca. Someone I thought who was a Christian, turned out to be a witch, well, this knowledge devastated me. And through another series of miraculous events, I read a passage from their diary where they called me a hypocrite. I was hurt. However, I knew this person didn't say such things without cause, so in my mind, it must have been true. But in what way? I was too chicken to ask what they meant, as that would mean I obviously read their private diary. So instead, I asked my husband if he thought I was a hypocrite. He asked me regarding what, since I didn't know, I dropped it. However, I did asked God to show me what this person meant. That was years and years ago. Little did I know that that very question was finally about to be answered the same time I was to be set free. This is what I read and I will bold what jumped out at me on that fateful day.
"In biblical faith, trust is placed solely in the Lord Jesus. In white magic it [trust]is deflected to someone else (the human agent) or to something else (one's own faith, etc.). In the biblical prayer of faith, the praying person subjects himself to the will of God. In white magic the help of God is DEMANDED[emphasis mine] under the assumption that exercising such power is in accordance with God's will. In white magic the Christian markings are mere decorations that camouflage the magical means for knowledge or power."
That did it, I was completely undone, laid bare, and my root sin exposed in the blinding light of truth! My heart was totally rent, as my head fell against my chest in shame, once more hot tears blurred the page I had just read. Jesus showed me that the Word of Faith doctrine was witchcraft, thinly veiled with Christian garb. I had been a "white" witch the whole time I thought I was saved, and that is why that person rightly called me a hypocrite. Oh the pain and the agony - why does the truth have to hurt so much? I couldn't even mouth the words, "I'm so sorry Lord" I was too ashamed. All I could do was sob and moan in despair - thankfully God understands the language of a broken heart. That is when the final chains fell from my soul and Jesus set me free - I was finally born again, and in that small yet huge moment, I completely identified with the tax collector in Luke 18:13!
That is when I began to notice a completely different atmosphere whenever I went to my Bible study, I mean, The Coven. I found I couldn't think straight when I sat in my usual chair, and at times I even found it hard to breath. Before I was set free from "white" witch craft, I couldn't wait for Monday night with The Peeps, and you could count on one hand all the times I missed a meeting during the 4 or 5 years of my attendance. Now I actually dreaded going! But I made myself go, because I had to face The Coven, and let them know what I knew, somehow without sending twenty or so fanatical Word of Faith minions into a murderous rage. Former W.O.F. minions know what I mean by that. First, I refused to attend their mini Rick Warren seminar, that was held in the leader's home. That got the attention of some of them.
I even got a rebuking phone call from one of the more vocal and staunchly militant minions, the same one who berated me regarding my Kyle's physical condition months earlier. The ensuing confrontation didn't go very well as you can well imagine. When I was finally able to get a word in edgewise, I started to relate to her what I had learned about Rick Warren's connections with the godless C.F.R. [Council on Foreign Relations] as a reason for my non-attendance, among other things. Ignoring my valuable information as it were a beebee hitting steel, she pushed harder, mentioning Kenneth Copeland and some of his teachings to rebuke me. I pushed back by exposing Kenneth Copeland's false Ransom Theory teachings (something I'll touch on later). The atmosphere was charged and our voices escalated into near shouts. Finally, she pushed me too far with her rebukes, so I pushed back and lowered the boom by answering her final question, which was that if Kenneth Copeland was really a false teacher like I said he was, then how could he claim that Jesus is Lord. It's a good question, and lucky for her, I had an answer. I explained that Kenneth Copeland was able to say, "Jesus is Lord" because as a Freemason, he is encouraged to lie by using double meanings. So when he says, "Jesus is Lord" on the outside, what he really means is "Lucifer is Lord" on the inside. Well that did it, she growled something and exclaimed that she was going to hang up, and she did.
My brother, who was sitting at my dining table when I took her call, assured me that what he heard on our end was sound and truthful, understandably emotional, but sound nevertheless. That made me feel a little better, but I wasn't sure I handled it well, I thought I could have handled it better. I was shaking from the battle, but I felt strangely taller. Look, I loved these ladies, and I still do. I just couldn't figure out how in the world I was going to reach them with the truth, so I kept at it. I kept going, and when I heard something out of line, I interjected my objections and redirected with Scripture, but I was beginning to feel like a fish out of water. I would always leave that former place of safe refuge tearful, thinking I could have done more, or said more. One night one of the ladies shared that her family was being attacked spiritually, and I knew why, but I refused to say anything. I felt an uncomfortable pressure build in the middle of my chest, the Lord wanted me to say something. I resisted, "Lord, she won't listen to me anyway, so why bother?" More pressure was applied, - "Alright, alright, I'll talk!" The pressure lifted.
I told her I had something to say to her from the Lord, and that I didn't want to say it, but I had to. That got her attention. I sighed heavily, in anticipation for the battle, and I began telling her that her current favorite teacher - Lance Wallnau, was really a New Age guru. She looked at me like she wanted to kill me - expected, yet disconcerting nevertheless. I was waiting for the protest of the lady who got her into his teachings, and I wasn't disappointed. After I shouted her down, and she yielded, then I continued to minister to my friend sitting in what we called the "hot seat." But I could see that I would have been more effective if I had talked to the wall. I showed her where many of his teachings were parallel with New Age ideology, including many of their key words and phrases, which he used in the teachings we were being exposed to.
Then I mentioned a dream she had shared with me and I explained how it related to her current situation. I won't share the dream she had, but really, it gives me some hope that the Lord will help her come out of this coven and all the false teachings she was under. Then, I asked her if she had ever practiced yoga, she nodded. I told her that yoga is used by Hindus to worship their demon gods. When you ask an honest yogi, they will tell you that you cannot separate yoga's moves and breathing techniques from their idolatrous worship, because they go hand in hand. And so, when you practice yoga, whether you know it or not, that gives those demons the right to mess with you. Now, in hind sight, which is always 20/20, I wish I had read 2 Timothy 3 to them as it fits perfectly and completely describes what was going on in that coven, and probably still is. Weeks after my divinely inspired counsel, she continued to listen to Lance Wallnau, and even passed on his filth to other members who were not present during her hot seat session, where I exposed him as a false teacher.
Finally, I stopped going altogether after a few months, or so of speaking the truth. The dynamic of the group was changing anyway, and they were meeting less frequently. I finally decided to write a long letter to the leader of The Peeps, detailing much of what I have shared here, and in even more detail. Did I get a reply? No. Not even an angry threatening letter and not one angry threatening phone call. My husband wasn't surprised, but I was hurt. I was such a faithful and an ardent supporter to that group of ladies, but apparently faithfulness accounts for little with false teachers and leaders of false faiths, and even their followers when you start to question their teachings. I still pray for them, I plead with the Lord to open their eyes, and I plead with him to please cause them to see their error before he has to apply more of his four sore judgments on them, but really he knows best. I just have to let go and trust God that he will do what is necessary to save and separate his lost sheep from the goats, like he did for me. I often think what would have happened if I had stood up and declared this "positive confession" in their midst: "Jesus in his infinite mercy and love, wounded and killed my mother to save us both from the white witchcraft of Word of Faith and impending eternal damnation." I'd probably have been hard pressed to get out of there with my life.
There is someone in my life who I discovered through a series of events, to be a student and practitioner of Wicca. Someone I thought who was a Christian, turned out to be a witch, well, this knowledge devastated me. And through another series of miraculous events, I read a passage from their diary where they called me a hypocrite. I was hurt. However, I knew this person didn't say such things without cause, so in my mind, it must have been true. But in what way? I was too chicken to ask what they meant, as that would mean I obviously read their private diary. So instead, I asked my husband if he thought I was a hypocrite. He asked me regarding what, since I didn't know, I dropped it. However, I did asked God to show me what this person meant. That was years and years ago. Little did I know that that very question was finally about to be answered the same time I was to be set free. This is what I read and I will bold what jumped out at me on that fateful day.
"In biblical faith, trust is placed solely in the Lord Jesus. In white magic it [trust]is deflected to someone else (the human agent) or to something else (one's own faith, etc.). In the biblical prayer of faith, the praying person subjects himself to the will of God. In white magic the help of God is DEMANDED[emphasis mine] under the assumption that exercising such power is in accordance with God's will. In white magic the Christian markings are mere decorations that camouflage the magical means for knowledge or power."
That did it, I was completely undone, laid bare, and my root sin exposed in the blinding light of truth! My heart was totally rent, as my head fell against my chest in shame, once more hot tears blurred the page I had just read. Jesus showed me that the Word of Faith doctrine was witchcraft, thinly veiled with Christian garb. I had been a "white" witch the whole time I thought I was saved, and that is why that person rightly called me a hypocrite. Oh the pain and the agony - why does the truth have to hurt so much? I couldn't even mouth the words, "I'm so sorry Lord" I was too ashamed. All I could do was sob and moan in despair - thankfully God understands the language of a broken heart. That is when the final chains fell from my soul and Jesus set me free - I was finally born again, and in that small yet huge moment, I completely identified with the tax collector in Luke 18:13!
That is when I began to notice a completely different atmosphere whenever I went to my Bible study, I mean, The Coven. I found I couldn't think straight when I sat in my usual chair, and at times I even found it hard to breath. Before I was set free from "white" witch craft, I couldn't wait for Monday night with The Peeps, and you could count on one hand all the times I missed a meeting during the 4 or 5 years of my attendance. Now I actually dreaded going! But I made myself go, because I had to face The Coven, and let them know what I knew, somehow without sending twenty or so fanatical Word of Faith minions into a murderous rage. Former W.O.F. minions know what I mean by that. First, I refused to attend their mini Rick Warren seminar, that was held in the leader's home. That got the attention of some of them.
I even got a rebuking phone call from one of the more vocal and staunchly militant minions, the same one who berated me regarding my Kyle's physical condition months earlier. The ensuing confrontation didn't go very well as you can well imagine. When I was finally able to get a word in edgewise, I started to relate to her what I had learned about Rick Warren's connections with the godless C.F.R. [Council on Foreign Relations] as a reason for my non-attendance, among other things. Ignoring my valuable information as it were a beebee hitting steel, she pushed harder, mentioning Kenneth Copeland and some of his teachings to rebuke me. I pushed back by exposing Kenneth Copeland's false Ransom Theory teachings (something I'll touch on later). The atmosphere was charged and our voices escalated into near shouts. Finally, she pushed me too far with her rebukes, so I pushed back and lowered the boom by answering her final question, which was that if Kenneth Copeland was really a false teacher like I said he was, then how could he claim that Jesus is Lord. It's a good question, and lucky for her, I had an answer. I explained that Kenneth Copeland was able to say, "Jesus is Lord" because as a Freemason, he is encouraged to lie by using double meanings. So when he says, "Jesus is Lord" on the outside, what he really means is "Lucifer is Lord" on the inside. Well that did it, she growled something and exclaimed that she was going to hang up, and she did.
My brother, who was sitting at my dining table when I took her call, assured me that what he heard on our end was sound and truthful, understandably emotional, but sound nevertheless. That made me feel a little better, but I wasn't sure I handled it well, I thought I could have handled it better. I was shaking from the battle, but I felt strangely taller. Look, I loved these ladies, and I still do. I just couldn't figure out how in the world I was going to reach them with the truth, so I kept at it. I kept going, and when I heard something out of line, I interjected my objections and redirected with Scripture, but I was beginning to feel like a fish out of water. I would always leave that former place of safe refuge tearful, thinking I could have done more, or said more. One night one of the ladies shared that her family was being attacked spiritually, and I knew why, but I refused to say anything. I felt an uncomfortable pressure build in the middle of my chest, the Lord wanted me to say something. I resisted, "Lord, she won't listen to me anyway, so why bother?" More pressure was applied, - "Alright, alright, I'll talk!" The pressure lifted.
I told her I had something to say to her from the Lord, and that I didn't want to say it, but I had to. That got her attention. I sighed heavily, in anticipation for the battle, and I began telling her that her current favorite teacher - Lance Wallnau, was really a New Age guru. She looked at me like she wanted to kill me - expected, yet disconcerting nevertheless. I was waiting for the protest of the lady who got her into his teachings, and I wasn't disappointed. After I shouted her down, and she yielded, then I continued to minister to my friend sitting in what we called the "hot seat." But I could see that I would have been more effective if I had talked to the wall. I showed her where many of his teachings were parallel with New Age ideology, including many of their key words and phrases, which he used in the teachings we were being exposed to.
Then I mentioned a dream she had shared with me and I explained how it related to her current situation. I won't share the dream she had, but really, it gives me some hope that the Lord will help her come out of this coven and all the false teachings she was under. Then, I asked her if she had ever practiced yoga, she nodded. I told her that yoga is used by Hindus to worship their demon gods. When you ask an honest yogi, they will tell you that you cannot separate yoga's moves and breathing techniques from their idolatrous worship, because they go hand in hand. And so, when you practice yoga, whether you know it or not, that gives those demons the right to mess with you. Now, in hind sight, which is always 20/20, I wish I had read 2 Timothy 3 to them as it fits perfectly and completely describes what was going on in that coven, and probably still is. Weeks after my divinely inspired counsel, she continued to listen to Lance Wallnau, and even passed on his filth to other members who were not present during her hot seat session, where I exposed him as a false teacher.
Finally, I stopped going altogether after a few months, or so of speaking the truth. The dynamic of the group was changing anyway, and they were meeting less frequently. I finally decided to write a long letter to the leader of The Peeps, detailing much of what I have shared here, and in even more detail. Did I get a reply? No. Not even an angry threatening letter and not one angry threatening phone call. My husband wasn't surprised, but I was hurt. I was such a faithful and an ardent supporter to that group of ladies, but apparently faithfulness accounts for little with false teachers and leaders of false faiths, and even their followers when you start to question their teachings. I still pray for them, I plead with the Lord to open their eyes, and I plead with him to please cause them to see their error before he has to apply more of his four sore judgments on them, but really he knows best. I just have to let go and trust God that he will do what is necessary to save and separate his lost sheep from the goats, like he did for me. I often think what would have happened if I had stood up and declared this "positive confession" in their midst: "Jesus in his infinite mercy and love, wounded and killed my mother to save us both from the white witchcraft of Word of Faith and impending eternal damnation." I'd probably have been hard pressed to get out of there with my life.
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