Yesterday was not a good baking day, because it yielded one sticky mess after another. First, it was the lemon bars -- I have a confession to make -- I hate making lemon bars. You may be wondering why in the world would I intentionally make something I loath creating in the first place? Well, these lemony travesties were not for me, they were going to a caterer client of my sister [my sister owns a specialty cake business]. The question remains: Why so much malice for this sunny sweet-tart confection? Well, I have very good reasons for loathing this confection, for one thing lemon bars are notorious for leaking their lemony goodness over the sides of their crusty boarders once they are cut -- well --that is if you can cut them out of the pan after using parchment paper, and copious amounts of non-stick spray. And that is exactly what happened to me. Well, initially, and admittedly, I forgot to employ the standard non-stick measures on two pans, after trying to remove them from the pan, that is when I realized my armature faux paz. Fortunately for me, my sister expertly salvaged some of the sticky mess I had made - kudos to her. Not to be out done, I used the standard non-stick measures on the now necessary third pan, but to no avail, meaning, they still stuck to the pan, talk about frustrating! Now we were both greatly annoyed.
Just look at this tantalizing picture of lemon bars, it is so deceptively alluring. There they sit on that pretty sparkling cake stand ...mocking me. They look so nice and neat, no ooze to be seen, and they are perfectly dusted with powdered sugar - it is infuriating! Why? Because most recipes don't yield this picturesque result, especially the pristine look of the powdered sugar. In order to maintain that fresh snowy appearance, you have to use a special dusting sugar that doesn't melt into the magma-like lemon filling, and that seems so unnatural to me. I mean, everyone knows that powdered sugar melts into baked goods eventually, so what makes this stuff melt proof? I'm sure - no - I suspect, that this sweet white powder is derived from some sort of by-product from a chemical manufacturing plant, but I could be wrong - maybe.
Just look at this tantalizing picture of lemon bars, it is so deceptively alluring. There they sit on that pretty sparkling cake stand ...mocking me. They look so nice and neat, no ooze to be seen, and they are perfectly dusted with powdered sugar - it is infuriating! Why? Because most recipes don't yield this picturesque result, especially the pristine look of the powdered sugar. In order to maintain that fresh snowy appearance, you have to use a special dusting sugar that doesn't melt into the magma-like lemon filling, and that seems so unnatural to me. I mean, everyone knows that powdered sugar melts into baked goods eventually, so what makes this stuff melt proof? I'm sure - no - I suspect, that this sweet white powder is derived from some sort of by-product from a chemical manufacturing plant, but I could be wrong - maybe.
The next sticky mess I created yesterday was while making the brownie bites, and I feel compelled to admit once more--I hate making brownie bites too, well all brownies really. However, I do LOVE eating them, well, that is when I can find a brownie that is in fact chewy. For some reason, making brownies, good brownies, is out of my culinary reach. I either over bake them to the point of being too crunchy and dry, or I under bake them into a gooey mess that can only be served by scooping them out of the pan with a spoon, rather than being cut with knife into neat bite sized shapes. Adding to my frustration, I can't seem to find a recipe that actually yields the desired amount of chew that I prefer. Most of the recipes that boast any sort of chewiness are, more often than not, either too "cakey", or they are too "fudgey" for my taste. I would rather bake my double chocolate chip cookies any day of the week and twice on Sunday, rather than struggle with a super sticky brownie batter spooned into heavily sprayed mini-muffin tins. All that work, only to have them weld to the non-stick pan, that was heavily sprayed with non-stick coating (that point can't be stressed enough), which then causes you to forcibly cut them out, a process that leaves much of their chocolaty carcasses in the pan, rather than neatly plopping them out fully intact- oh the horror!
There Is A Solution...
I don't like to complain just for the sake of complaining, really I don't. Instead, I prefer to find solutions to the problems I encounter on a daily basis; and the solution to the sticky situation I endured, as I see it, is to not make these confectionery travesties in the first place, but rather to bake their superior counter parts, namely lemon tartlets, and double chocolate cookies! Just consider the possibilities, they are endless, not to mention less sticky -- well -- depending on your execution techniques.
Lemon Bars vs. Lemon Tartlets
Not only are lemon tartlets self contained, meaning they don't require any cutting, and that means no lemony filling oozing out of place, but they are also darn cute ta boot. Observe in the pictures below, how the buttery shortbread crusts beautifully and neatly keep the sunny filling where it belongs, inside the crust. The cute factor is further enhanced by cutting those little buttery tartlet crusts into various petal shaped edges, or they can be nicely crimped into fluted pans that also give them a lovely visual appeal. These are just a few of the many superior attributes that help raise the bar, and make them a cut above, the traditional lemon bar [puns intended]. To add to the tartlets growing list of positives, instead of a dusting them with the suspected chemically altered powdered sugar, once out of their metal confinement, tartlets can then be decorated with all manner of fruits, whipped toppings, zest shavings, or meringues, you are only limited by your imagination! And best of all, because there is no oozing, they can be easily handled and thus easily packaged and consumed! The pastry recipe that I use has enough butter and cream cheese in it to prevent any stick-age, so these little gems easily release from their little metallic nests -- no scraping required, no swearing, and no sticky oozing mess, just lemony loveliness.
 |  |
Brownie Bites vs. Chocolate Cookies
And the same goes for the dreary and insipid brownie bite. Instead of making a potentially aggravating confection, why not make an uncomplicated double chocolate cookie? Cookies can be neatly scooped onto baking sheets that are simply clad with parchment paper, or a Silpat. The resulting cookie practically and effortlessly removes itself from the pan. The cookies can then be fashioned into sandwich cookies, that are neatly smeared or decoratively piped with a myriad of fillings, and they can even be topped with an endless array of flavored and colored glazes - resulting in a confection that is both stunning to behold, and is neat to eat. Yes that's right, by kicking brownie bites to the culinary curb, you can retire your scalpel, because it won't be needed any longer to surgically remove the infuriatingly sticky brownie bites that mindbogglingly super-glued themselves to non-stick pans coated with non-stick cooking spray! Okay, sure, you could dress up a brownie bite the same way you can do with any tartlet, provided you can actually remove the brownie bite from the pan without destroying it in the process, ever try to decorate a pile of crumbs? Hmm ... come to think of it, I suppose that is how the invention of the brownie ball was birthed, out of necessity to reverse brownie bite failure.
Yet another sticky situation...
To make the rather sticky day I spent at my sister's shop complete, it followed me home, and manifested its tentacles once more as I fixed my hungry husband a simple burger. As I put the well formed patty into the hot cast iron skillet, what do you suppose happened when I went to expertly flip it? Yes, that's right, it was stuck! "Ohhh...not again!", I whined to myself. And so dear reader, I had to persuade the burger to release the hellacious protein weld it had formed with the cast iron pan by using my thin spatula as a scalpel. Honestly! Why did it do that? That pan was hot when I put it in, and there was enough grease in the pan to start my own green fuel processing plant. Why is it that on some days a particularly annoying theme seems to follow you around? Well, thankfully that was the last of my sticky situations for the day, which I had to share with my sister via a greasy fingered text message. And it was her cleaver reply to my final lament that inspired the title of this blog entry. And upon reflection, the day was not a total loss in that it caused me to make a quality decision: I will never...ever... ever... make another lemon bar, or brownie bite as long as I live! As for hamburgers, well, I'm not prepared to give up making them just because the odd one sticks to the pan now and then, because this occurrence is far more rare than the expected and reliable sticky agony awaiting me regarding lemon bars and brownie bites. Honest - - never again will I make these sticky sweets, never again.
RSS Feed
